I witnessed the most humbling thing this Sunday. I was coming home from work, and stopped at Dairy Queen to get some breakfast. I saw a man in town that I know from our Wednesday night services about a year ago, when we had dinner and bible study. He lives alone and doesn't have much. He goes around to several churches and seems to really love the Lord. I think he probably draws disability due to mental challenges and doesn't have much money.
Anyway, I saw him all dressed up with Bible in hand standing by the drive thru. When I pulled up to wait on my food, I saw him pick up the change that had been dropped at the drive thru window. I was really worried about him and thought he was picking up the change to get something to eat. I was ready to buy him breakfast, when much to my surprise, he took off with the change and went to church. I think he was picking up the change to have something for offering. How humble is that. He hardly has anything, but still manages to find a way to give to the Lord. Many of us have plenty, and still don't manage to give as much as this man has given.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Dreaming of Miracles
I visited the first hospital I ever worked at today, and it has changed so much. King's Daughter's Medical Center in Ashland has taken over the whole block near the park and then some. It was a wonderful place to work then, and I compare the places I have worked, to my experiences there. I found a poem that I wrote about nursing in my car when I got home today, and thought I would share that with you.
Vent alarms and IV's beep,
it's 2am, I wake up and can't sleep.
My eyes focus, I realize it's just a dream.
I can't get over how real it seems.
I lay there and a million worries
run through my head.
I go downstairs, call the hospital,
and find out my patient is dead.
My heart breaks as I think of this family.
I say a prayer for them and tears overtake me.
Next shift, a new admit, the patient is critical.
The Doctor says, "For this one to survive,
it will take a miracle.
"Let's intubate, put in a line,
and get an Xray stat.
Place an NG, get a foley,
and draw some blood for labs.
Let's start with Dopamine, then if
the blood pressure is still low,
we'll add Levophed and open up
the IV flow.
He'll need a couple units of blood,
and some antibiotics too.
Add the Bair Hugger to warm him up
because he is too cool."
Adrenaline flows and nursing instincts begin.
We all work together to stabilize him.
As I work, I say the prayer that I say each time.
"Lord be with me, and let your hands
work through mine."
Praise the Lord for helping me fulfill my dream to be a nurse, and for being with me each day as I take care of his loved people.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged
I sit here and really have a lot on my mind. I was unexpectantly called in to work this Sunday and therefore missed singing on praise team this week. I really missed being there, because sometimes it feels like that is how I really praise God and feel his blessing. My life is in total chaos and I have a lot of decisions to make right now, and I feel like making the wrong one could really lead my life in the wrong direction. I pray and pray, and get more confused as time goes on. Should I take this job, should I stay at the one I am at? Am I supposed to take another job and try to find one making the same money, or do I take a job not considering the financial effects? Is that an answered prayer or Satan trying to temp me?
Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO
My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?
It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.
My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.
I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.
Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO
My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?
It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.
My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.
I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.
Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Family pics
I still can't figure out how to publish a picture to my profile, but it is very simple to publish them with the post, so here is my family. God has blessed me very much with healthy kids and a sassy husband.
A Correction Fit
This is Caleb, my youngest. He is getting ready to turn 4 on Tuesday. Oh, how time flies. I just wanted to tell you the funniest story.
A couple weeks ago, after a napless day, Caleb proceeded to get down in the floor and have a tantrum when I asked him to pick up the 58 cars on the living room floor before he could play on the computer. It was quite interresting, especially since Caleb is not really the tantrum throwing kind. If anything, he will just tell you how it is and try to negotiate. However, this time he was in the floor, kicking, screaming, and crying. I just stopped, looked at him, and said "What are you doing"? The tears disappeared, and as calm as he could, he replied, "I am having a fit." I said that it looked like a coniption to me. Then he proceeded with his fit.
The next week, he wanted to help me cook something that he would have absolutely spilled everywhere. I tried to bargain with him to have him help me make desert. He was not in the negotiating mood. He let me know real quick that if he did not get to help he was going to have a "correction" right now.
I nearly laughed myself silly. So now at the Jefferson house, if things don't go our way, we all just have a "correction" fit.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Oh, For the Wisdom of Solomon
I am a mess trying to figure out what to do. Most of you know the troubles I have had at my current job. The place just feels so negative. I have interviewed at 3 different places this past week. I make good money, so it will be hard to meet the money I make there. However, money is not everything and I don't want to be someplace that I don't like just cause I make good money either. In order to even come close to the money, I would have to work as a float pool nurse, do a weekend option or something that pays extra incentives to make about the same.
I decided that if I did a weekend option, then I would work Friday and Sunday night, so that I would have Saturday off with my family and be able to go to church on Sundays. I would not be willing to give up church for any amount of money.
So, I interviewed at the place I used to work, and they offered me a job. I could either work "Choices" which is kind of like a interhospital float pool, but I would be preassigned to the ICU or the weekend option, but no guarantee that I could work Friday and Sunday. With Choices the catch is, if the census is low, I would be one of the 1st to get cancelled and my pay per hour is dependent on the # of hours worked. So if I get cancelled for a shift, my hourly wage drops by about $8/hr. No benefits and no vacation time. I don't need benefits but vacation is good. With the weekend option, I would have to work on Saturdays occasionally and that interfers with church.
Then I interviewed with Good Sam. Hospital. I interviewed with the Float Pool and they can guarantee a Friday Sunday weekend option, and I would be making 20 cents less than I make now. I would be eligible for benefits and vacation time the same as a part-time employee. I would then work the extra day here at Fleming County Hospital. By working one day a week at home I would be losing about $100.00/week in the difference in pay for that one shift. But I would be home on the days John is home and I could cut out one day of driving.
Then just to make things confusing. My current boss just called to tell me that she had heard a rumor and just wanted to check it out for herself, that I was considering leaving. She wanted me to agree to talk to her before I accepted any other positions. She said that she wants me to know that she thinks that I am one of the best d___ nurses she has ever seen and she doesn't want to lose me. Now what do I do? I still feel like that place has sooooo much chaos and backbiting, lying, and so on that I don't know who to trust and I just get sick when I think I have to go to work. Will it get better? Does the Lord want me to just hang tough?
Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon. The other jobs may cause financial worries occasionally. I may need to pick up an extra shift if I get cancelled. My hours may not be guaranteed in some of them. I would have to float. I just don't know. This job I have, I will never be cancelled because I am in charge. My hours are guaranteed. I have benefits and great pay. But is it right for me. I sometimes feel like Satan is just right beside me trying to take me down. Is this a lesson of perserverence, or is the lesson learned and it's time to move on?
Pray that the Lord makes my decision Crystal Clear.
I decided that if I did a weekend option, then I would work Friday and Sunday night, so that I would have Saturday off with my family and be able to go to church on Sundays. I would not be willing to give up church for any amount of money.
So, I interviewed at the place I used to work, and they offered me a job. I could either work "Choices" which is kind of like a interhospital float pool, but I would be preassigned to the ICU or the weekend option, but no guarantee that I could work Friday and Sunday. With Choices the catch is, if the census is low, I would be one of the 1st to get cancelled and my pay per hour is dependent on the # of hours worked. So if I get cancelled for a shift, my hourly wage drops by about $8/hr. No benefits and no vacation time. I don't need benefits but vacation is good. With the weekend option, I would have to work on Saturdays occasionally and that interfers with church.
Then I interviewed with Good Sam. Hospital. I interviewed with the Float Pool and they can guarantee a Friday Sunday weekend option, and I would be making 20 cents less than I make now. I would be eligible for benefits and vacation time the same as a part-time employee. I would then work the extra day here at Fleming County Hospital. By working one day a week at home I would be losing about $100.00/week in the difference in pay for that one shift. But I would be home on the days John is home and I could cut out one day of driving.
Then just to make things confusing. My current boss just called to tell me that she had heard a rumor and just wanted to check it out for herself, that I was considering leaving. She wanted me to agree to talk to her before I accepted any other positions. She said that she wants me to know that she thinks that I am one of the best d___ nurses she has ever seen and she doesn't want to lose me. Now what do I do? I still feel like that place has sooooo much chaos and backbiting, lying, and so on that I don't know who to trust and I just get sick when I think I have to go to work. Will it get better? Does the Lord want me to just hang tough?
Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon. The other jobs may cause financial worries occasionally. I may need to pick up an extra shift if I get cancelled. My hours may not be guaranteed in some of them. I would have to float. I just don't know. This job I have, I will never be cancelled because I am in charge. My hours are guaranteed. I have benefits and great pay. But is it right for me. I sometimes feel like Satan is just right beside me trying to take me down. Is this a lesson of perserverence, or is the lesson learned and it's time to move on?
Pray that the Lord makes my decision Crystal Clear.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Goat, Tell it on the Mountain
No, I did not misspell. We saw a goat at mile marker 150 on the way home from Beth Moore's Living Proof Live event, and we laughed out loud with God. And a laugh is exactly what I needed. I am on a praise him high. I just finished my time of study with Him this morning (time that I have renewed for God that I have been slacking on). I only pray that I continue to be dedicated in my study time each morning to start my day right.
God's love is immeasurable. Which says a whole lot about his love for us when he measures everything. I have learned that it doesn't matter what others think of us, only what our heavenly father thinks of us. So maybe the trials of work have taught me that I could never please man anyway, but God loves me as I love my children, which is unconditional. I should spend more time letting his love shine through me and quit worrying if I am pleasing others. I still don't know if this job was meant to teach me a lesson, and now that I see, it is time to move on. Or, is there something God is using me for at that job, that I still need to see through till completion.
I pray that God will only open doors that he wants me to go through and that he closes the ones I need to close. Translated, if I am to take a new job, then open that opportunity, but if I am to stay at the current one, then don't even tempt me with any other offers.
"In Christ Alone" as my favorite song says, is the only place you will find that kind of unconditional love. Dear Lord, open my heart that I may have that undying love for you, that unquenchable desire for you, that you have entended for us, that only you can fill.
God's love is immeasurable. Which says a whole lot about his love for us when he measures everything. I have learned that it doesn't matter what others think of us, only what our heavenly father thinks of us. So maybe the trials of work have taught me that I could never please man anyway, but God loves me as I love my children, which is unconditional. I should spend more time letting his love shine through me and quit worrying if I am pleasing others. I still don't know if this job was meant to teach me a lesson, and now that I see, it is time to move on. Or, is there something God is using me for at that job, that I still need to see through till completion.
I pray that God will only open doors that he wants me to go through and that he closes the ones I need to close. Translated, if I am to take a new job, then open that opportunity, but if I am to stay at the current one, then don't even tempt me with any other offers.
"In Christ Alone" as my favorite song says, is the only place you will find that kind of unconditional love. Dear Lord, open my heart that I may have that undying love for you, that unquenchable desire for you, that you have entended for us, that only you can fill.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Do I Stay or Do I Go?
I had a really bad night at work on Sunday. Last week we had a charge nurse meeting and went over the charge duties and things that we needed to be focused on. I guess we are having a problem getting the doctors to sign their orders and a few other technical medical things involving charts that you probably wouldn't understand. To put it in a nutshell, problems with charts, if they aren't fixed, hospital can be shut down. So they came up with this tool to check the charts and flag things that needed signatures. It was out last week, noone seemed to know who was responsible for it, so we got that clarified in the charge nurse meeting. The unit clerks are responsible. So, Sunday night, in a very nice, walking on eggshells kinda way, given the other issues I am working against, I asked the African-American unit clerk if she had been updated yet that the paper from last week was a unit clerk duty? For the rest of the night it was horrible. Mrs. P is the best unit clerk we have, and I know that things are in order when she works, and I know that she is already mentally checking the charts as she does her duties. I agree it is not right for everyone to have to suffer when the problem lie with a few. But if the problems don't get fixed and the hospital closes, then it is everyone's problem. So we should all work together as a team to fix what's broken.
So, through the night Mrs P would say things such as, "I haven't been given the authority to do that by my charge nurse", or "I'd like to go smoke, but I don't want to be accused of not doing my job". I tried to tell her that noone worried about her doing her work and she was being unfair, if she had suggestions of a better way to do it, we would love to hear them. She called us charge nurses "Queen bees" and I told her that we did not use our authority to push people around, she replied "yes you do" and I asked her to give me some instances and we would discuss them. She had no reply. Someone called off early in the morning, so we were trying to get someone to come in and work. The unit clerks always help make those phone calls, I politely asked her if she could make a couple calls, she replied "Is that my job description now too?" I told her to give me a break, I asked if we needed to go discuss whatever problem she had with me, she replied "no". I said "Well, then we are gonna have to get past this, because we are gonna have to work together." She replied, "unfortunately". I continued to be nice, she continued to be rude. It was horrible. By the end of the shift, I was miserable, upset, and nervous. I was unable to get my mind on my work because of all the tension. I talked to my boss about the whole situation the next morning. I explained that I felt like I am fighting an uphill battle and it will never be right. She asked me to hang in there.
So, through the night Mrs P would say things such as, "I haven't been given the authority to do that by my charge nurse", or "I'd like to go smoke, but I don't want to be accused of not doing my job". I tried to tell her that noone worried about her doing her work and she was being unfair, if she had suggestions of a better way to do it, we would love to hear them. She called us charge nurses "Queen bees" and I told her that we did not use our authority to push people around, she replied "yes you do" and I asked her to give me some instances and we would discuss them. She had no reply. Someone called off early in the morning, so we were trying to get someone to come in and work. The unit clerks always help make those phone calls, I politely asked her if she could make a couple calls, she replied "Is that my job description now too?" I told her to give me a break, I asked if we needed to go discuss whatever problem she had with me, she replied "no". I said "Well, then we are gonna have to get past this, because we are gonna have to work together." She replied, "unfortunately". I continued to be nice, she continued to be rude. It was horrible. By the end of the shift, I was miserable, upset, and nervous. I was unable to get my mind on my work because of all the tension. I talked to my boss about the whole situation the next morning. I explained that I felt like I am fighting an uphill battle and it will never be right. She asked me to hang in there.
Here is my thoughts though. I am still in my probation period and if they want to, they can let me go at any time with or without cause. My boss, Marie, said that she didn't work like that, and the only way I would leave is on my own terms. However, even if they know I have done nothing wrong, how are we ever gonna get past this and work together as a team? I don't know if it will ever be right. And which is easier? Getting rid of 1 or 15? There is so much tension in that place, and I just feel beat down. I sit here and think of what excuse I can come up with so I don't have to go to work. At first I thought I will stay and not give them the satisfaction of running me off, but then I thought, who are these people and what do they mean to me. Why do I care if they think they run me off or not, its not like I would ever see them again or they effect my life in any way.
Then comes the confusion. I really prayed about this job and doors opened so easily, I just knew it was an answered prayer. So what went wrong? Was Satan opening the doors? How do I trust my answered prayers now? If I pray should I leave and doors open again, how do I trust that move? I need some sky writing or wet fleece on the dry ground for this one. My friend Sarah says that I should work at Kings Daughters Hospital, and guess what....My old recruiter calls me today and says they have new travel nurse positions at Kings Daughters for a new ICU they are opening. Is that strange or what? Now what do I do? Speak to me Lord. Lead me in your paths.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
For My Broken Heart
My Mom has had a rough year. She had knee surgery and as a result ended up with a partially paralyzed diaphragm. If your diaphragm doesn't work, your lungs can't expand, and you can't breathe. She walks with a limp, she now has fibromyalgia and hurts all the time. She can't sleep, and depends on help for basic things that we take for granted. They have their house up for sale and the savings account is fading fast while they wait for a decision on their disability claim.
I recently wrote my statement for the disability office and, as I was answering the questions, I was overcome with great saddness for just how her life has changed and how depressed she must be. You have a woman who worked 2-3 jobs all her life and taught me not to depend on anyone for support, who now can't even put her shoes on without the help of her husband.
By the way, THANK GOD FOR HIM!!! I realized that I have not been as sensitive to her situation as I probably should be and I need to be praying for her, that God will strenghthen her faith and wrap his loving arms around her. I have been praying for the disability case to go through, but I realize now, that she needs way more than financial assistance.
I just got off the phone with her, and Lindon is going on a bike ride today. Mom would love to be with him I know. Maybe we will get a movie and some popcorn and go visit her.
Keep her in your prayers please.
I recently wrote my statement for the disability office and, as I was answering the questions, I was overcome with great saddness for just how her life has changed and how depressed she must be. You have a woman who worked 2-3 jobs all her life and taught me not to depend on anyone for support, who now can't even put her shoes on without the help of her husband.
By the way, THANK GOD FOR HIM!!! I realized that I have not been as sensitive to her situation as I probably should be and I need to be praying for her, that God will strenghthen her faith and wrap his loving arms around her. I have been praying for the disability case to go through, but I realize now, that she needs way more than financial assistance.
I just got off the phone with her, and Lindon is going on a bike ride today. Mom would love to be with him I know. Maybe we will get a movie and some popcorn and go visit her.
Keep her in your prayers please.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
All Grown Up, (or so he Thinks)
Today is Caleb's first day of Preschool. He is going to the preschool that Brett went to when he was little. It is a private preschool at the local Christian Church in town. He will be there 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. He is sooooo excited.
This weekend we had to get ready. He got a new pack of crayons, Scooby Doo paper towels, Superman pencils, and the Batman backpack. Then we had to get a new outfit to wear. This is a challenge. My 3 year old is wearing the same size clothes that my 10 year old is wearing, only he is about 9 inches shorter. Caleb wears a 1.5 in shoes, and an 8 in pants and shirts. As it gets colder very quick, I am realizing that I need to have him some pants tailored to fit.
Daddy took the day off so that we could take him together. It will be a sight to see who cries first. On the one hand I am excited that he will be learning new things, but on the other hand, he is one step further out the door.
I look at Brett now, and realize how much he has grown. He is talking about having a Christian Rock band in middle school, and his childhood questions are becoming much more grown up. We were talking about temptation yesterday, and he said that he knew that it was gonna get harder as a teenager because Satan would use drugs and sex and peep pressure to make him sin. He then wondered how he would ever keep from making mistakes. I reminded him about grace. However, isn't it wonderful to have that humble desire to want to try to be perfect and to be so convicted when we do wrong that it really bothers us? Maybe some of us adults could use a childlike faith.
This weekend we had to get ready. He got a new pack of crayons, Scooby Doo paper towels, Superman pencils, and the Batman backpack. Then we had to get a new outfit to wear. This is a challenge. My 3 year old is wearing the same size clothes that my 10 year old is wearing, only he is about 9 inches shorter. Caleb wears a 1.5 in shoes, and an 8 in pants and shirts. As it gets colder very quick, I am realizing that I need to have him some pants tailored to fit.
Daddy took the day off so that we could take him together. It will be a sight to see who cries first. On the one hand I am excited that he will be learning new things, but on the other hand, he is one step further out the door.
I look at Brett now, and realize how much he has grown. He is talking about having a Christian Rock band in middle school, and his childhood questions are becoming much more grown up. We were talking about temptation yesterday, and he said that he knew that it was gonna get harder as a teenager because Satan would use drugs and sex and peep pressure to make him sin. He then wondered how he would ever keep from making mistakes. I reminded him about grace. However, isn't it wonderful to have that humble desire to want to try to be perfect and to be so convicted when we do wrong that it really bothers us? Maybe some of us adults could use a childlike faith.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
The Mother-In-Law Next Door
My mother-in-law just bought the house next door in an auction on Saturday. I know, it is next door, but I am happy for her. It is the first house she has ever owned. Her mom is gone now and my kids are her happiness. She is not the mettling type either, so I think it will be okay. I know you would like for them to be a few houses away, but I am trying to just think of all the good things.
When I am at work, I'm sure that Nana will be sure the family is fed. John is definately not a mommas boy, so that will not be a problem. She will get to see the boys more, and she can help take Caleb to preschool. I worry though that Caleb won't want to spend the night with her anymore, when he can just go home to his house next door.
And....maybe we can get her to go to church with us. That would be awesome. Which brings me to my other good news......
BRETT WANTS TO GET BAPTIZED. He is asking a lot of questions, and we are gonna talk to Chris, the youth minister, to make sure he knows what he is doing. PRAISE GOD!
When I am at work, I'm sure that Nana will be sure the family is fed. John is definately not a mommas boy, so that will not be a problem. She will get to see the boys more, and she can help take Caleb to preschool. I worry though that Caleb won't want to spend the night with her anymore, when he can just go home to his house next door.
And....maybe we can get her to go to church with us. That would be awesome. Which brings me to my other good news......
BRETT WANTS TO GET BAPTIZED. He is asking a lot of questions, and we are gonna talk to Chris, the youth minister, to make sure he knows what he is doing. PRAISE GOD!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Home Alone
I have a day at home, all alone, no kids, can do anything I want, without phone calls or interruption, and no husband either to hog the TV remote. What am I doing with my day? I am lounging on the couch (in my husbands shirt) trying to read or watch TV, with Caleb's stuffed animal and Brett's pillow (so that I can smell them).
I am a mess. I don't know what to do with myself. I miss them like crazy. You would think my dog died. I have waited for this day for years...and now that I have it...I can't take advantage of it because I am too depressed. That is just like God. What a sense of humor. He is probably up there in heaven saying, "You wanted a day to yourself, OK. Here you go. Not all it's cracked up to be is it? Now will you appreciate the blessings I have given you?"
I sometimes get caught up in stuff, stressful work situations, or the hum drum of the fast paced daily activities that I forget momentarily what its all about. As Max Lucado's book so perfectly titled states, "It's not about me." Thank you for this day to remind me what life without you Lord is like.
I am a mess. I don't know what to do with myself. I miss them like crazy. You would think my dog died. I have waited for this day for years...and now that I have it...I can't take advantage of it because I am too depressed. That is just like God. What a sense of humor. He is probably up there in heaven saying, "You wanted a day to yourself, OK. Here you go. Not all it's cracked up to be is it? Now will you appreciate the blessings I have given you?"
I sometimes get caught up in stuff, stressful work situations, or the hum drum of the fast paced daily activities that I forget momentarily what its all about. As Max Lucado's book so perfectly titled states, "It's not about me." Thank you for this day to remind me what life without you Lord is like.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
The Pot Just Gets Deeper
I found out more information about the racial slur episode. It seems like one of the people that I trusted and believed in, was the major one who was sturring the pot and making the situation worse, by adding fuel to the fire. I now am tempted to call her out onto the carpet, tell her what I know, and then tell her that I chose to forgive her and go on. I really don't know if legally I should even be talking to her, or if I should just wait till later, when it all boils over. I feel betrayed and I can't believe that someone could do this to another and actually sleep at night. I feel like they have treated me the way they claim others treat them. Are they any better than the ones they accuse? I also think that no matter what happens, some of them have already made their minds up, and nothing can be done to change that. I keep praying, my friends are praying, I know, because I felt uplifted the last day I worked. Praise God who gives me strength to hold up my head and walk into the fire every day.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Color blind
I recently got accused of making a racial slur at work. A bunch of us were in the lunch room eating when I joked about stealing a bite of someone else's food. A little banter went on and then I made the comment that here in Kentucky, we know how to fend for ourselves and we would just "run you over in the river" and take the food. I was meaning that we "hillbillies" who so often get accused of being dumb and barefoot, know how to hold our own, and usually don't miss many meals. A comment was made back in a very threatening tone that included the words "drive by" and "shoot your ___", letting me know that I had said something that was definately taken the wrong way. Here I was more or less slamming us hillbillies when the 3 African American girls in the lunchroom took it as a racial slur to their culture. Well, word got around and the story evolved and then the HR Representative of the Hospital called me up to ask about the incident, which by this time was 2 weeks ago.
The night it occurred, when I realized that they had missunderstood, I went to each of them and tried to be sure to apologize for the missunderstanding and to make ammends for hurting their feelings. I explained my thoughts and explained that I was talking to them the same way that I talk to anyone else, not realizing that they may be sensitive to something like that.
This whole situation has been really hard on me. I was hurt, angry, and mad. Hurt that they talked about me behind my back, attacking my integrity as a person, accusing me of being a racist. Angry that they didn't come to me if it was still bothering them, so we could work it out. And MAD that me of all people, was being accused of being racist, and that the story had evolved into a whole different story by the time it had been talked about for 2 weeks. The comment that was made to me, if anything, was the one that would be considered harrassment. I apologized for my wrong and tried to make amends, then went on treating them the same. Yet they talk about me and accuse me of things I did not intend, start treating me differently, and say that I was the one who wronged them. I thought this is not fair, I am the victum in this situation. I began to see why people were racist.....because of bad attitudes like that, ones that will jump to play the race card any chance they get.
Then the Lord helped me see...all things happen for a reason. If this is my burden to bare, maybe I can help get the message out that we all need to be a little more color blind. That it is not necessarily always white people who are racist. That we should forget the past and forgive. God made us all, there is no one greater than the other in his eyes. We are all his beloved. We should chose our friends and who we associate with based on their moral code and values, not their color of skin. We should love all human beings, helping each other be the best we can be, striving to draw closer to him.
Please friends, pray for me in this situation that I may not let Satan use this situation to cause that type of hate and mistrust to creep in my life. Pray that they will see Christ in me and see that I am sincere and that they totally misjudged the situation. May the Lord use me to work something great out of something so negative.
The night it occurred, when I realized that they had missunderstood, I went to each of them and tried to be sure to apologize for the missunderstanding and to make ammends for hurting their feelings. I explained my thoughts and explained that I was talking to them the same way that I talk to anyone else, not realizing that they may be sensitive to something like that.
This whole situation has been really hard on me. I was hurt, angry, and mad. Hurt that they talked about me behind my back, attacking my integrity as a person, accusing me of being a racist. Angry that they didn't come to me if it was still bothering them, so we could work it out. And MAD that me of all people, was being accused of being racist, and that the story had evolved into a whole different story by the time it had been talked about for 2 weeks. The comment that was made to me, if anything, was the one that would be considered harrassment. I apologized for my wrong and tried to make amends, then went on treating them the same. Yet they talk about me and accuse me of things I did not intend, start treating me differently, and say that I was the one who wronged them. I thought this is not fair, I am the victum in this situation. I began to see why people were racist.....because of bad attitudes like that, ones that will jump to play the race card any chance they get.
Then the Lord helped me see...all things happen for a reason. If this is my burden to bare, maybe I can help get the message out that we all need to be a little more color blind. That it is not necessarily always white people who are racist. That we should forget the past and forgive. God made us all, there is no one greater than the other in his eyes. We are all his beloved. We should chose our friends and who we associate with based on their moral code and values, not their color of skin. We should love all human beings, helping each other be the best we can be, striving to draw closer to him.
Please friends, pray for me in this situation that I may not let Satan use this situation to cause that type of hate and mistrust to creep in my life. Pray that they will see Christ in me and see that I am sincere and that they totally misjudged the situation. May the Lord use me to work something great out of something so negative.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Technology today
I am trying my best to learn about this technology today. I am trying to start this blogging to stay in touch with my Christian friends and grow deeper in Christ, but I am discovering just how out of touch I am. The longer I set here, the more I want to throw this computer out the window. So the Christian lesson I am learning today is PATIENCE.It has taken me over an hour to post this picture so you all could see my family. This was taken while on vacation this year. We took my mother in law, to give her a much needed vacation. We had a great time, but it ended way too soon.
New to This Blog Stuff
I am sitting here after talking to my friend, Sarah, trying to figure out how to Blog. I just read my other friend's Blog about going to a different church and did not realize just how profound she could be. I also read Chad's blog and just cried at how strong he is after losing his wife and realizing how much more I need to grow. So hopefully by reading other Blogs and leaving my thoughts behind, we can all grow closer, and encourage each other in our Christian walk.
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