I witnessed the most humbling thing this Sunday. I was coming home from work, and stopped at Dairy Queen to get some breakfast. I saw a man in town that I know from our Wednesday night services about a year ago, when we had dinner and bible study. He lives alone and doesn't have much. He goes around to several churches and seems to really love the Lord. I think he probably draws disability due to mental challenges and doesn't have much money.
Anyway, I saw him all dressed up with Bible in hand standing by the drive thru. When I pulled up to wait on my food, I saw him pick up the change that had been dropped at the drive thru window. I was really worried about him and thought he was picking up the change to get something to eat. I was ready to buy him breakfast, when much to my surprise, he took off with the change and went to church. I think he was picking up the change to have something for offering. How humble is that. He hardly has anything, but still manages to find a way to give to the Lord. Many of us have plenty, and still don't manage to give as much as this man has given.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Dreaming of Miracles
I visited the first hospital I ever worked at today, and it has changed so much. King's Daughter's Medical Center in Ashland has taken over the whole block near the park and then some. It was a wonderful place to work then, and I compare the places I have worked, to my experiences there. I found a poem that I wrote about nursing in my car when I got home today, and thought I would share that with you.
Vent alarms and IV's beep,
it's 2am, I wake up and can't sleep.
My eyes focus, I realize it's just a dream.
I can't get over how real it seems.
I lay there and a million worries
run through my head.
I go downstairs, call the hospital,
and find out my patient is dead.
My heart breaks as I think of this family.
I say a prayer for them and tears overtake me.
Next shift, a new admit, the patient is critical.
The Doctor says, "For this one to survive,
it will take a miracle.
"Let's intubate, put in a line,
and get an Xray stat.
Place an NG, get a foley,
and draw some blood for labs.
Let's start with Dopamine, then if
the blood pressure is still low,
we'll add Levophed and open up
the IV flow.
He'll need a couple units of blood,
and some antibiotics too.
Add the Bair Hugger to warm him up
because he is too cool."
Adrenaline flows and nursing instincts begin.
We all work together to stabilize him.
As I work, I say the prayer that I say each time.
"Lord be with me, and let your hands
work through mine."
Praise the Lord for helping me fulfill my dream to be a nurse, and for being with me each day as I take care of his loved people.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged
I sit here and really have a lot on my mind. I was unexpectantly called in to work this Sunday and therefore missed singing on praise team this week. I really missed being there, because sometimes it feels like that is how I really praise God and feel his blessing. My life is in total chaos and I have a lot of decisions to make right now, and I feel like making the wrong one could really lead my life in the wrong direction. I pray and pray, and get more confused as time goes on. Should I take this job, should I stay at the one I am at? Am I supposed to take another job and try to find one making the same money, or do I take a job not considering the financial effects? Is that an answered prayer or Satan trying to temp me?
Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO
My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?
It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.
My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.
I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.
Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO
My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?
It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.
My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.
I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.
Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Family pics
I still can't figure out how to publish a picture to my profile, but it is very simple to publish them with the post, so here is my family. God has blessed me very much with healthy kids and a sassy husband.
A Correction Fit
This is Caleb, my youngest. He is getting ready to turn 4 on Tuesday. Oh, how time flies. I just wanted to tell you the funniest story.
A couple weeks ago, after a napless day, Caleb proceeded to get down in the floor and have a tantrum when I asked him to pick up the 58 cars on the living room floor before he could play on the computer. It was quite interresting, especially since Caleb is not really the tantrum throwing kind. If anything, he will just tell you how it is and try to negotiate. However, this time he was in the floor, kicking, screaming, and crying. I just stopped, looked at him, and said "What are you doing"? The tears disappeared, and as calm as he could, he replied, "I am having a fit." I said that it looked like a coniption to me. Then he proceeded with his fit.
The next week, he wanted to help me cook something that he would have absolutely spilled everywhere. I tried to bargain with him to have him help me make desert. He was not in the negotiating mood. He let me know real quick that if he did not get to help he was going to have a "correction" right now.
I nearly laughed myself silly. So now at the Jefferson house, if things don't go our way, we all just have a "correction" fit.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Oh, For the Wisdom of Solomon
I am a mess trying to figure out what to do. Most of you know the troubles I have had at my current job. The place just feels so negative. I have interviewed at 3 different places this past week. I make good money, so it will be hard to meet the money I make there. However, money is not everything and I don't want to be someplace that I don't like just cause I make good money either. In order to even come close to the money, I would have to work as a float pool nurse, do a weekend option or something that pays extra incentives to make about the same.
I decided that if I did a weekend option, then I would work Friday and Sunday night, so that I would have Saturday off with my family and be able to go to church on Sundays. I would not be willing to give up church for any amount of money.
So, I interviewed at the place I used to work, and they offered me a job. I could either work "Choices" which is kind of like a interhospital float pool, but I would be preassigned to the ICU or the weekend option, but no guarantee that I could work Friday and Sunday. With Choices the catch is, if the census is low, I would be one of the 1st to get cancelled and my pay per hour is dependent on the # of hours worked. So if I get cancelled for a shift, my hourly wage drops by about $8/hr. No benefits and no vacation time. I don't need benefits but vacation is good. With the weekend option, I would have to work on Saturdays occasionally and that interfers with church.
Then I interviewed with Good Sam. Hospital. I interviewed with the Float Pool and they can guarantee a Friday Sunday weekend option, and I would be making 20 cents less than I make now. I would be eligible for benefits and vacation time the same as a part-time employee. I would then work the extra day here at Fleming County Hospital. By working one day a week at home I would be losing about $100.00/week in the difference in pay for that one shift. But I would be home on the days John is home and I could cut out one day of driving.
Then just to make things confusing. My current boss just called to tell me that she had heard a rumor and just wanted to check it out for herself, that I was considering leaving. She wanted me to agree to talk to her before I accepted any other positions. She said that she wants me to know that she thinks that I am one of the best d___ nurses she has ever seen and she doesn't want to lose me. Now what do I do? I still feel like that place has sooooo much chaos and backbiting, lying, and so on that I don't know who to trust and I just get sick when I think I have to go to work. Will it get better? Does the Lord want me to just hang tough?
Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon. The other jobs may cause financial worries occasionally. I may need to pick up an extra shift if I get cancelled. My hours may not be guaranteed in some of them. I would have to float. I just don't know. This job I have, I will never be cancelled because I am in charge. My hours are guaranteed. I have benefits and great pay. But is it right for me. I sometimes feel like Satan is just right beside me trying to take me down. Is this a lesson of perserverence, or is the lesson learned and it's time to move on?
Pray that the Lord makes my decision Crystal Clear.
I decided that if I did a weekend option, then I would work Friday and Sunday night, so that I would have Saturday off with my family and be able to go to church on Sundays. I would not be willing to give up church for any amount of money.
So, I interviewed at the place I used to work, and they offered me a job. I could either work "Choices" which is kind of like a interhospital float pool, but I would be preassigned to the ICU or the weekend option, but no guarantee that I could work Friday and Sunday. With Choices the catch is, if the census is low, I would be one of the 1st to get cancelled and my pay per hour is dependent on the # of hours worked. So if I get cancelled for a shift, my hourly wage drops by about $8/hr. No benefits and no vacation time. I don't need benefits but vacation is good. With the weekend option, I would have to work on Saturdays occasionally and that interfers with church.
Then I interviewed with Good Sam. Hospital. I interviewed with the Float Pool and they can guarantee a Friday Sunday weekend option, and I would be making 20 cents less than I make now. I would be eligible for benefits and vacation time the same as a part-time employee. I would then work the extra day here at Fleming County Hospital. By working one day a week at home I would be losing about $100.00/week in the difference in pay for that one shift. But I would be home on the days John is home and I could cut out one day of driving.
Then just to make things confusing. My current boss just called to tell me that she had heard a rumor and just wanted to check it out for herself, that I was considering leaving. She wanted me to agree to talk to her before I accepted any other positions. She said that she wants me to know that she thinks that I am one of the best d___ nurses she has ever seen and she doesn't want to lose me. Now what do I do? I still feel like that place has sooooo much chaos and backbiting, lying, and so on that I don't know who to trust and I just get sick when I think I have to go to work. Will it get better? Does the Lord want me to just hang tough?
Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon. The other jobs may cause financial worries occasionally. I may need to pick up an extra shift if I get cancelled. My hours may not be guaranteed in some of them. I would have to float. I just don't know. This job I have, I will never be cancelled because I am in charge. My hours are guaranteed. I have benefits and great pay. But is it right for me. I sometimes feel like Satan is just right beside me trying to take me down. Is this a lesson of perserverence, or is the lesson learned and it's time to move on?
Pray that the Lord makes my decision Crystal Clear.
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