They Grow So Fast!!

Paden is growing so fast. Finally after 4 months of chewing, he has 2 bottom teeth. It is so stinking cute. His new favorite movie is "O' Brother where art thou". His favorite part is when
Pete is turned into a horny toad. When Delmer is hollaring "Pete, Pete.." he just laughs and looks at the TV. It is so funny.

The boys are at New Life this week for a couple of days going to VBS. Then I have a five day stretch off. I am gonna enjoy some fun in the sun at the pool. School starts August the 26th, and Caleb can't wait till he meets new friends.

My "not at all fat free" Chicken Enchiladas

Ingredients:

3-4 Chicken breasts , cut in small cubed pieces
1 small can green chilies
1/2 small onion
1 clove garlic
1 pkg cream cheese
1 pkg taco seasoning
pkg of at least 8 burrito shells
2 small cartons of whipping cream
2 pkgs (4 cups) of colby jack schredded cheese


Directions:

1. Cut chicken breast into small cubed pieces and cook in large skillet with small amount of oil till
browned, and no more pink.
2. Add chilies, onion, and garlic to finish cooking chicken till done.
3. Soften cream cheese in microwave then blend into chicken in skillet.
4. Stir in taco seasoning packet till well blended in then remove from heat.
5. Fill burrito shells with chicken mixture, roll it up, and place it in square 9x9 pan.
6. Continue with step 5 till all burrito shells are full and mixture is gone. (Usually about 8)
Make sure enchiladas are close to keep from them unrolling.
7. Top with shredded cheese.
8. Pour whipping cream over entire mixture evenly and slowly that it may soak through entire
dish.
9. Cook for about 30-45 minutes on 375 degrees or until cheese is melted and slightly browned
on top of dish.

Enjoy!!
This one is for you, Gina.

Church Shopping

Here's an update on the church shopping. Maybe you guys can give some insight.

Church #1: Southwest church http://www.southwestchurch.org/

The church is about 10 yrs old, meets in the YMCA near our home, and has a lot of stuff
for kids. They have small groups, women's studies, and studies about growing closer in Christ
toward spiritual maturity. I was wondering why they had not started their building yet until
I happened by their building model and discovered the cost of their projected building plan
was over $2 million. They have a youth minister, worship minister, and praise team. First
impression concerns I have are: Caleb's class seemed to play more than anything, John
looked like he was out of his element, and although all the people came and welcomed us, it
seemed proper, more like a business luncheon. (Laid-back, but upper class) We have only
been there once, and VBS is this coming week, so I plan to take the kids to see more about
them. Things that interest me are the fact that they are constantly doing new things to teach
and feed their flock. They seem to support and encourage a deeper relationship with Christ.
Fundamentally sound, they believe in baptism, communion every week, and stuff like that.

Church #2: Springboro Christian Church (no website)

We went on the last Sunday of the month, and the kids were with the parents in main church
service, so Caleb and Brett didn't get to see what their church service would be like. Caleb said he was "bored to tears". They had a praise team, power point, and a very nice facility with lots of room. From what I could tell, their fundamentals are sound and they encourage fellowship with other christian churches nearby. They were having a concert that afternoon. The minister had a very deep voice and it was wonderful to hear him sing. I think John felt at home more here, but since the youngest person I saw in worship that day was in their late 40's early 50's other than a few kids...it screamed old-fashioned to me. People greeted us afterward, but it seemed like the senior citizen hang out to me, so John felt right at home.

Church #3: South Dayton Church of Christ www.sdchurchofchrist.org

By far, the most friendly. Everyone tried to welcome us and make us feel at home. That part
felt like New Life. They were having a pot luck after church to fellowship with each other. They do that the first Sunday of every month. Their missions team had just gotten back from a mission trip and were sharing about all their experiences. The have a minister and children's church. Caleb liked it, but still liked the first church better. Brett said he liked this one the best. John seemed to talk and share with the people that came up to him. The minister had a good sermon. I don't know whether they have small groups or anything like that, but I know they commented on Communion every week and baptism for the remission of sins. Here's the catch...it was a non-instrumental Church of Christ. I have only seen one of them one other time, when I was a little girl and we went to one while on vacation. The singing was beautiful though, the women all sang parts. Which that is funny to me...if you are non-instrumental, why does your power point of the songs include notes? Do they listen to music on the radio? Why don't they believe in piano or instruments? Do they judge those that do? It kind of screams legalism to me. I need to know more before I can really say.

So any thoughts or inputs? John says we should visit them all again, and then go from there and I think that is a good idea. Pray that the Lord leads us to where we can grow and serve the best for his glory.

Buckeyes Now

Well, we are finally moved. It was a week on Friday in our new house. I have soo much cabinet space, that I haven't even used one whole cabinet. The boxes are mostly unpacked and stuff is on the wall. Maybe only about 20 boxes left, of nonessential stuff still in the basement. I am thinking, "How bad do I really need this stuff?", but a lot of it is stuff I just can't get rid of... like Brett and Caleb's first Halloween outfits, and stuff like that. The dog is adjusting, but he would really like to eat the ducks that walk by every morning around 8 am. I think that would definately get a visit from the "housing association representative".



Brett went to camp today and I miss him already. Nana took vacation last week and stayed with us to help take care of the kids, so I could unpack and work this weekend. She is going home on Tuesday and I will miss her help. John goes out of town on Monday and doesn't get home till Wednesday night, so me and the boys will pile up and snuggle on Tuesday night. I hope I don't get scared.



Still noone looking at our house in Flemingsburg, and still trying to sell one of our vehicles. Just keep praying that the Lord will work it all out. I know he will provide, but I sure am nervous about it. My eye has been twitching for the past week, and that only happens when I am really stressed. The kids love the new house and have already started making friends. I myself, miss my friends and knowing I can see them anytime. It will all take time for us to adjust.

This One Is For You, Jen !!

Finally my camera is working and here is a picture of my 3 sons. We just took this picture the beginning of May. Brett is 12, Caleb is 5 1/2, and Paden is 3 1/2 months old. How they grow so fast. Chaos surrounds us as we prepare to move, and it makes time fly so much faster. Paden is already trying to sit up, and he has discovered he has hands!! Now, what he is to do with them, he is still trying to figure out. I'll post more pics soon.

I'm Back, sorry it took so long.

It's been a while, but I am back to blogging again, and I'll try to be more regular. I have had several recent life changes that have kept me away, such as a new baby, major surgery, John's new job which requires us to relocate, selling a house, finding a house, selling a vehicle, just to name a few. Paden Michael is the newest baby boy, he will be 4 months old the 14th, can you believe it? I will have pictures up soon, we just had them taken and they will be back on the 21st. Sorry, my Kodak camera is still not downloading to the computer for some reason.



We are moving to Springboro, Ohio the first of June because of John's new job. Hopefully someone will buy our home in Flemingsburg before his company stops helping us pay for the two houses. They help for 6 months, so that will be through November. And be praying that someone will buy one of our vehicles soon so we can get rid of one of our payments too. I am excited but scared to death at the same time. Moving to a new home with 3 bathrooms and a dishwasher is a dream with 3 boys. Moving away from family is a nightmare. Also, John and I are not too excited about becoming Buckeye's. We wonder, will we instantly become horrible drivers when we put those Ohio plates on our car?



I sing on praise team for the last time at New Life in the morning. I hope I can do it without crying. I will truly miss my praise team friends who really understand what singing praises is all about. "Listen to our hearts, hear our voices sing...We will use the words we know, to tell you what an awesome God you are. but if words are not enough...then listen to our hearts." I hope our new church will have a praise team. Pray the Lord will lead us to where we can grow in Him.

Chaos, and More Chaos

Ok, what I want to know is... Who sent the memo out that says, "Deena is pregnant, let's cause as much chaos as possible?" This past month or two has been crazy. First we had the Down's scare and all the extra Dr. visits and stress that goes with that, then this month, has not been lacking in it's own share of stresses. The first part of September, I had kidney stone problems, got admitted to the hospital for a couple days, out only in time to go to "Deeper Still". Then I get home and go back to work, and get food poisoning, which lays me up for 3 days. I lose weight, get dehydrated, and the day I get to go back to work, I have to be sent to the ER for severe dehydration and a massive urinary tract infection. Then mom decides she is missing out on some of the attention, and she ends up in the hospital for 4 days for almost passing out a few times, and they find she is going in and out of an irregular rhythm. She is home, all is great, then I get a double ear infection. Got treated quick, got over it, and now.....Caleb hasn't pooped in 9 days. We started giving him laxatives 5 days ago, and nothing is working. So days later, enemas, suppositories, laxatives, an ER visit, Dr visit, and half a day at Children's hospital...still no poo. He now gets 3-4 doses of Miralax a day till he goes, and if he doesn't go soon, they will have to do a Sigmoidoscopy and clean him out. I have never wanted to wipe a butt, so bad in my life. I am so worried about him.

I am trying to pick up extra, so we can have some money in savings for when the baby gets here, because I won't have much money coming in those 3 months. It seems like every time I try to pick up, I get sick or something happens. We have only a few dollars in savings and time is running out. I am 24 weeks pregnant now, and about $2000 behind budget. Pray that the chaos calms done, because now I need to work 4-5 days a week till Thanksgiving to make up.

But, most of all....pray that Caleb will poop!!!!!

Deeper Still

Well, we made it to Nashville and back in one piece. No wrecks, accidents, or illnesses to report. We all were truly blessed with the desire to go "Deeper Still" with God. This is a book that I bought, that I can't wait to get into, after I finish the 3 others I started last month. I had never heard Kay Arthur, or Priscilla Shirer, and let me tell you, they are great speakers too. The knowlege of the scriptures that Kay has is amazing. I knew a lot of the verses she quoted, but I have never been good about being able to say Book, Chapter, and Verse. I need to work on that more.

The other things that has just weighed heavy on my mind is this: I am realizing just how many people still have God in a box. I recently shared how I felt after finding out that we may have a Down's baby to a few people from our congregation. I shared how I felt broken hearted, disappointed, guilty, and scared after that news was given to me. I then shared how a couple days later, I just had a peace come over me like I did when I was a little girl sitting on my dad's lap during a scary part of a movie, knowing he would protect me and all would be okay. I went on the share with them that I believe that was the Lord and His Holy Spirit just wrapping his arms around me and telling me it would be okay. That's where I lost them. They looked at me like I had 4 heads. How sad that they could not relate.

I know that sounds awful touchy, feely... but my God IS touchy, feely. He is alive and at work in our lives, if we just take time to notice, and give him the glory. No, we don't feel that way 24/7, but he promises that he will reveal himself to us who diligently seek him with all their hearts. (Jeramiah 29:13)

My Three Sons

It's a BOY!!!

I was just in the hospital for kidney stones, and they did the ultrasound early. I was working and started having that familiar right flank pain. They sent me to triage, and they admitted me. If I was not pregnant, they would send me home and tell me to strain my urine and drink plenty of fluids. But no, I got to stay for 28 hours. Let me tell you, it is a whole lot easier to be on the other side of the needle. But we did get to do the ultrasound early and we found out that the baby is okay, all measurements were fine with no alarming flags indicating the baby has Down's. Praise the Lord !!!

As I was sitting there wondering how I was going to console John when they said, "It's a girl", I see the above picture, and shock just comes over me, as I realize, my premonitions were all wrong. We will add one more boy to the Jefferson family. Well, I guess that is just as well, the boys have absolutely no modesty, which would have ruined a little girl. I say that, as Caleb runs through the house naked riding his imaginary horse. Who knows where his pants went this time.

We looked through the baby name book last night and we think we have a name we like...Paden Shea Jefferson. Who knows, we may change it 100 times in the next 19 weeks. Caleb thinks we should name him Jimmy Neutron, and Brett is still hoping the ultrasound is wrong.

Tomorrow we leave for "Deeper Still" in Nashville, remember to pray for our safe trip. I can't wait.

Faith Plus Baseball

John and I took the boys to Faith Days at the Great American Ballpark yesterday. It was the perfect combination, God and baseball. Although it was hot enough that you would have thought it was closer to ____. The Reds played the Padres (and got beat), but then they had a concert by Mercy Me after the game. It was awesome. What faith they have and what a powerful testimony we heard. Bring the Rain, In the Blink of an Eye, and a few new songs were among the many songs they sang. We got to hear the story behind the writing of the songs. Wow. I am so glad that Brett got to hear real life testimony and perserverance with faith through tough times. They also had local sports heroes talk while we were waiting on the concert. They sent the message loud and clear, that if you put God first, the rest will be added, and having everything is nothing without Him.

Of course, on the way home, the baby needed to stop at Graeter's for ice cream. Banana flavor is the best! Back at home, we went for a dip in the pool to try to cool off, because our central air stopped working on Friday. Then Brett was off to school this morning. How the summer went so fast. Caleb sat on the front porch this morning watching the bus take Brett away, and you would have thought his little world had ended. Not long from now, the baby will be watching Caleb get taken away by the big yellow bus. How time flies. I am glad we got at least on family day before the end of summer.

Our Decision

This is what our baby looks like now. We are 16 weeks pregnant. Isn't it truly a miracle? We met with the genetics counselor on Thursday. We had a lot of questions and learned a lot. Our chances to have a Down's baby is 1/255 due to the blood work part of the triple screen mostly. The ultrasound part of the screen had the measurements all ok. We can have an amniocentesis if we want, but the risk of going into early labor, which would be lethal to a baby at this stage is 1/400. Just not a risk worth taking for us given that 1/255 translates to 0.4% chance of having a Down's baby, or 99.6% chance of having a normal healthy baby. I really don't know why they even scare people to death with those odds. Why not start offering options if you have a 10-25% risk instead of 99%?

So, the other option we were given is to have a level 2 ultrasound, which they focus on several specific measurements which can send red flags about whether a baby has Downs. They measure the amount of fluid on the brain, the length of the thigh bones looking for abnormal shortness, the nuchal fat on the back of the neck, and they look at the heart for valve problems. All together their are 9 things they measure. John and I have decided that we will have this ultrasound and then if several markers send up more red flags, then we will consider further testing. At this point, we feel all will be okay, and we are going to go forward, enjoy this pregnancy, and not worry about it anymore. Worry doesn't change anything, and we are confident the Lord will not give us more than we can handle.

Whether this baby ends up having Down's or not, our Lord blessed us with this baby, and He knows what he is doing. We continue to walk in faith, leaving our worries in his hands. If he takes care of the birds, and the lilies, how much more do we mean to him? (Matthew 6)

"Down" a path a Faith.

It's been a while since I blogged, but I am finding myself needing to write to relieve stress a little more lately, and I hope to read other's blogs and draw encouragement from like minded Christians.

This is a picture of my family at Caleb's preschool program. He is moving up to the next class this September and I think back that it wasn't that long ago, we stood on the same stage as Brett graduated from one class to go to Elementary School. How time flies. In this picture, I recently found out that we were going to have another baby. We were still in shock, since I was on birth control, and got pregnant after taking several weeks of antibiotics due to a horrible upper respiratory infection I got at King's Island indoor water park. We are now used to the idea, actually getting excited about having another baby, and starting to prepare for this blessing God has decided to give us.

I elected to do a test called an Ultrascreen, which is a blood test along with an ultrasound to screen for birth defects. I really didn't care about screening for problems, the reason I wanted to do it, was for peace of mind. I had a misscarriage before having Caleb, and it was horrible. I had that miscarriage at about 10 weeks along. I felt that having this ultrascreen would give me the opportunity to see the ultrasound, that the baby was okay, and then I wouldn't worry about having a miscarriage and I could have peace of mind.

Peace of mind is not at all what I got. The screening came back that John and I are at an increased risk of having a Down's Syndrome baby. We now are being referred to a genetic counselor to decide what we want to do. Do we want to have to have an amniocentesis or not to know for sure if our baby has Downs? I really don't want to worry for 25 more weeks, but I am nervous about having a procedure that has any risk of causing a miscarriage. I want to be prepared, I would like to find out I have nothing to worry about and enjoy my pregnancy.

I think to myself so many things. I found out that it may be due to problems with the egg many times. So, is it my fault? Then I think, if I was going to have a child with a birth defect, Downs is much better than spinal bifida or other crippling disorders. After all day crying on Tuesday, then having my fears confirmed that the test was correct on Thursday, and crying more, I feel weird. I don't know if I am just cried out, or numb, or if this is a peace that the Lord has given me. Is he reassuring me that it is all going to be okay, or is he comforting me, letting me know that he will equip us with what we need to get through the worst? I just have this feeling like I did as a little girl when my dad would hold me on his lap and love me. I feel protected, sheltered from the world. My heart still aches, but I somehow know all will be okay, because I am not alone. This I guess is what it is to go down a road of faith.

Poor Me

I witnessed the most humbling thing this Sunday. I was coming home from work, and stopped at Dairy Queen to get some breakfast. I saw a man in town that I know from our Wednesday night services about a year ago, when we had dinner and bible study. He lives alone and doesn't have much. He goes around to several churches and seems to really love the Lord. I think he probably draws disability due to mental challenges and doesn't have much money.

Anyway, I saw him all dressed up with Bible in hand standing by the drive thru. When I pulled up to wait on my food, I saw him pick up the change that had been dropped at the drive thru window. I was really worried about him and thought he was picking up the change to get something to eat. I was ready to buy him breakfast, when much to my surprise, he took off with the change and went to church. I think he was picking up the change to have something for offering. How humble is that. He hardly has anything, but still manages to find a way to give to the Lord. Many of us have plenty, and still don't manage to give as much as this man has given.

Dreaming of Miracles

I visited the first hospital I ever worked at today, and it has changed so much. King's Daughter's Medical Center in Ashland has taken over the whole block near the park and then some. It was a wonderful place to work then, and I compare the places I have worked, to my experiences there. I found a poem that I wrote about nursing in my car when I got home today, and thought I would share that with you.

Vent alarms and IV's beep,

it's 2am, I wake up and can't sleep.

My eyes focus, I realize it's just a dream.

I can't get over how real it seems.

I lay there and a million worries

run through my head.

I go downstairs, call the hospital,

and find out my patient is dead.

My heart breaks as I think of this family.

I say a prayer for them and tears overtake me.

Next shift, a new admit, the patient is critical.

The Doctor says, "For this one to survive,

it will take a miracle.

"Let's intubate, put in a line,

and get an Xray stat.

Place an NG, get a foley,

and draw some blood for labs.

Let's start with Dopamine, then if

the blood pressure is still low,

we'll add Levophed and open up

the IV flow.

He'll need a couple units of blood,

and some antibiotics too.

Add the Bair Hugger to warm him up

because he is too cool."

Adrenaline flows and nursing instincts begin.

We all work together to stabilize him.

As I work, I say the prayer that I say each time.

"Lord be with me, and let your hands

work through mine."

Praise the Lord for helping me fulfill my dream to be a nurse, and for being with me each day as I take care of his loved people.

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

I sit here and really have a lot on my mind. I was unexpectantly called in to work this Sunday and therefore missed singing on praise team this week. I really missed being there, because sometimes it feels like that is how I really praise God and feel his blessing. My life is in total chaos and I have a lot of decisions to make right now, and I feel like making the wrong one could really lead my life in the wrong direction. I pray and pray, and get more confused as time goes on. Should I take this job, should I stay at the one I am at? Am I supposed to take another job and try to find one making the same money, or do I take a job not considering the financial effects? Is that an answered prayer or Satan trying to temp me?

Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO

My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?

It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.

My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.

I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.

Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Family pics

I still can't figure out how to publish a picture to my profile, but it is very simple to publish them with the post, so here is my family. God has blessed me very much with healthy kids and a sassy husband.

A Correction Fit

This is Caleb, my youngest. He is getting ready to turn 4 on Tuesday. Oh, how time flies. I just wanted to tell you the funniest story.

A couple weeks ago, after a napless day, Caleb proceeded to get down in the floor and have a tantrum when I asked him to pick up the 58 cars on the living room floor before he could play on the computer. It was quite interresting, especially since Caleb is not really the tantrum throwing kind. If anything, he will just tell you how it is and try to negotiate. However, this time he was in the floor, kicking, screaming, and crying. I just stopped, looked at him, and said "What are you doing"? The tears disappeared, and as calm as he could, he replied, "I am having a fit." I said that it looked like a coniption to me. Then he proceeded with his fit.

The next week, he wanted to help me cook something that he would have absolutely spilled everywhere. I tried to bargain with him to have him help me make desert. He was not in the negotiating mood. He let me know real quick that if he did not get to help he was going to have a "correction" right now.

I nearly laughed myself silly. So now at the Jefferson house, if things don't go our way, we all just have a "correction" fit.

Oh, For the Wisdom of Solomon

I am a mess trying to figure out what to do. Most of you know the troubles I have had at my current job. The place just feels so negative. I have interviewed at 3 different places this past week. I make good money, so it will be hard to meet the money I make there. However, money is not everything and I don't want to be someplace that I don't like just cause I make good money either. In order to even come close to the money, I would have to work as a float pool nurse, do a weekend option or something that pays extra incentives to make about the same.

I decided that if I did a weekend option, then I would work Friday and Sunday night, so that I would have Saturday off with my family and be able to go to church on Sundays. I would not be willing to give up church for any amount of money.

So, I interviewed at the place I used to work, and they offered me a job. I could either work "Choices" which is kind of like a interhospital float pool, but I would be preassigned to the ICU or the weekend option, but no guarantee that I could work Friday and Sunday. With Choices the catch is, if the census is low, I would be one of the 1st to get cancelled and my pay per hour is dependent on the # of hours worked. So if I get cancelled for a shift, my hourly wage drops by about $8/hr. No benefits and no vacation time. I don't need benefits but vacation is good. With the weekend option, I would have to work on Saturdays occasionally and that interfers with church.

Then I interviewed with Good Sam. Hospital. I interviewed with the Float Pool and they can guarantee a Friday Sunday weekend option, and I would be making 20 cents less than I make now. I would be eligible for benefits and vacation time the same as a part-time employee. I would then work the extra day here at Fleming County Hospital. By working one day a week at home I would be losing about $100.00/week in the difference in pay for that one shift. But I would be home on the days John is home and I could cut out one day of driving.

Then just to make things confusing. My current boss just called to tell me that she had heard a rumor and just wanted to check it out for herself, that I was considering leaving. She wanted me to agree to talk to her before I accepted any other positions. She said that she wants me to know that she thinks that I am one of the best d___ nurses she has ever seen and she doesn't want to lose me. Now what do I do? I still feel like that place has sooooo much chaos and backbiting, lying, and so on that I don't know who to trust and I just get sick when I think I have to go to work. Will it get better? Does the Lord want me to just hang tough?

Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon. The other jobs may cause financial worries occasionally. I may need to pick up an extra shift if I get cancelled. My hours may not be guaranteed in some of them. I would have to float. I just don't know. This job I have, I will never be cancelled because I am in charge. My hours are guaranteed. I have benefits and great pay. But is it right for me. I sometimes feel like Satan is just right beside me trying to take me down. Is this a lesson of perserverence, or is the lesson learned and it's time to move on?

Pray that the Lord makes my decision Crystal Clear.

Goat, Tell it on the Mountain

No, I did not misspell. We saw a goat at mile marker 150 on the way home from Beth Moore's Living Proof Live event, and we laughed out loud with God. And a laugh is exactly what I needed. I am on a praise him high. I just finished my time of study with Him this morning (time that I have renewed for God that I have been slacking on). I only pray that I continue to be dedicated in my study time each morning to start my day right.

God's love is immeasurable. Which says a whole lot about his love for us when he measures everything. I have learned that it doesn't matter what others think of us, only what our heavenly father thinks of us. So maybe the trials of work have taught me that I could never please man anyway, but God loves me as I love my children, which is unconditional. I should spend more time letting his love shine through me and quit worrying if I am pleasing others. I still don't know if this job was meant to teach me a lesson, and now that I see, it is time to move on. Or, is there something God is using me for at that job, that I still need to see through till completion.

I pray that God will only open doors that he wants me to go through and that he closes the ones I need to close. Translated, if I am to take a new job, then open that opportunity, but if I am to stay at the current one, then don't even tempt me with any other offers.

"In Christ Alone" as my favorite song says, is the only place you will find that kind of unconditional love. Dear Lord, open my heart that I may have that undying love for you, that unquenchable desire for you, that you have entended for us, that only you can fill.

Do I Stay or Do I Go?

I had a really bad night at work on Sunday. Last week we had a charge nurse meeting and went over the charge duties and things that we needed to be focused on. I guess we are having a problem getting the doctors to sign their orders and a few other technical medical things involving charts that you probably wouldn't understand. To put it in a nutshell, problems with charts, if they aren't fixed, hospital can be shut down. So they came up with this tool to check the charts and flag things that needed signatures. It was out last week, noone seemed to know who was responsible for it, so we got that clarified in the charge nurse meeting. The unit clerks are responsible. So, Sunday night, in a very nice, walking on eggshells kinda way, given the other issues I am working against, I asked the African-American unit clerk if she had been updated yet that the paper from last week was a unit clerk duty? For the rest of the night it was horrible. Mrs. P is the best unit clerk we have, and I know that things are in order when she works, and I know that she is already mentally checking the charts as she does her duties. I agree it is not right for everyone to have to suffer when the problem lie with a few. But if the problems don't get fixed and the hospital closes, then it is everyone's problem. So we should all work together as a team to fix what's broken.

So, through the night Mrs P would say things such as, "I haven't been given the authority to do that by my charge nurse", or "I'd like to go smoke, but I don't want to be accused of not doing my job". I tried to tell her that noone worried about her doing her work and she was being unfair, if she had suggestions of a better way to do it, we would love to hear them. She called us charge nurses "Queen bees" and I told her that we did not use our authority to push people around, she replied "yes you do" and I asked her to give me some instances and we would discuss them. She had no reply. Someone called off early in the morning, so we were trying to get someone to come in and work. The unit clerks always help make those phone calls, I politely asked her if she could make a couple calls, she replied "Is that my job description now too?" I told her to give me a break, I asked if we needed to go discuss whatever problem she had with me, she replied "no". I said "Well, then we are gonna have to get past this, because we are gonna have to work together." She replied, "unfortunately". I continued to be nice, she continued to be rude. It was horrible. By the end of the shift, I was miserable, upset, and nervous. I was unable to get my mind on my work because of all the tension. I talked to my boss about the whole situation the next morning. I explained that I felt like I am fighting an uphill battle and it will never be right. She asked me to hang in there.

Here is my thoughts though. I am still in my probation period and if they want to, they can let me go at any time with or without cause. My boss, Marie, said that she didn't work like that, and the only way I would leave is on my own terms. However, even if they know I have done nothing wrong, how are we ever gonna get past this and work together as a team? I don't know if it will ever be right. And which is easier? Getting rid of 1 or 15? There is so much tension in that place, and I just feel beat down. I sit here and think of what excuse I can come up with so I don't have to go to work. At first I thought I will stay and not give them the satisfaction of running me off, but then I thought, who are these people and what do they mean to me. Why do I care if they think they run me off or not, its not like I would ever see them again or they effect my life in any way.

Then comes the confusion. I really prayed about this job and doors opened so easily, I just knew it was an answered prayer. So what went wrong? Was Satan opening the doors? How do I trust my answered prayers now? If I pray should I leave and doors open again, how do I trust that move? I need some sky writing or wet fleece on the dry ground for this one. My friend Sarah says that I should work at Kings Daughters Hospital, and guess what....My old recruiter calls me today and says they have new travel nurse positions at Kings Daughters for a new ICU they are opening. Is that strange or what? Now what do I do? Speak to me Lord. Lead me in your paths.