Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

I sit here and really have a lot on my mind. I was unexpectantly called in to work this Sunday and therefore missed singing on praise team this week. I really missed being there, because sometimes it feels like that is how I really praise God and feel his blessing. My life is in total chaos and I have a lot of decisions to make right now, and I feel like making the wrong one could really lead my life in the wrong direction. I pray and pray, and get more confused as time goes on. Should I take this job, should I stay at the one I am at? Am I supposed to take another job and try to find one making the same money, or do I take a job not considering the financial effects? Is that an answered prayer or Satan trying to temp me?

Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO

My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?

It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.

My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.

I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.

Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.