Do I Stay or Do I Go?

I had a really bad night at work on Sunday. Last week we had a charge nurse meeting and went over the charge duties and things that we needed to be focused on. I guess we are having a problem getting the doctors to sign their orders and a few other technical medical things involving charts that you probably wouldn't understand. To put it in a nutshell, problems with charts, if they aren't fixed, hospital can be shut down. So they came up with this tool to check the charts and flag things that needed signatures. It was out last week, noone seemed to know who was responsible for it, so we got that clarified in the charge nurse meeting. The unit clerks are responsible. So, Sunday night, in a very nice, walking on eggshells kinda way, given the other issues I am working against, I asked the African-American unit clerk if she had been updated yet that the paper from last week was a unit clerk duty? For the rest of the night it was horrible. Mrs. P is the best unit clerk we have, and I know that things are in order when she works, and I know that she is already mentally checking the charts as she does her duties. I agree it is not right for everyone to have to suffer when the problem lie with a few. But if the problems don't get fixed and the hospital closes, then it is everyone's problem. So we should all work together as a team to fix what's broken.

So, through the night Mrs P would say things such as, "I haven't been given the authority to do that by my charge nurse", or "I'd like to go smoke, but I don't want to be accused of not doing my job". I tried to tell her that noone worried about her doing her work and she was being unfair, if she had suggestions of a better way to do it, we would love to hear them. She called us charge nurses "Queen bees" and I told her that we did not use our authority to push people around, she replied "yes you do" and I asked her to give me some instances and we would discuss them. She had no reply. Someone called off early in the morning, so we were trying to get someone to come in and work. The unit clerks always help make those phone calls, I politely asked her if she could make a couple calls, she replied "Is that my job description now too?" I told her to give me a break, I asked if we needed to go discuss whatever problem she had with me, she replied "no". I said "Well, then we are gonna have to get past this, because we are gonna have to work together." She replied, "unfortunately". I continued to be nice, she continued to be rude. It was horrible. By the end of the shift, I was miserable, upset, and nervous. I was unable to get my mind on my work because of all the tension. I talked to my boss about the whole situation the next morning. I explained that I felt like I am fighting an uphill battle and it will never be right. She asked me to hang in there.

Here is my thoughts though. I am still in my probation period and if they want to, they can let me go at any time with or without cause. My boss, Marie, said that she didn't work like that, and the only way I would leave is on my own terms. However, even if they know I have done nothing wrong, how are we ever gonna get past this and work together as a team? I don't know if it will ever be right. And which is easier? Getting rid of 1 or 15? There is so much tension in that place, and I just feel beat down. I sit here and think of what excuse I can come up with so I don't have to go to work. At first I thought I will stay and not give them the satisfaction of running me off, but then I thought, who are these people and what do they mean to me. Why do I care if they think they run me off or not, its not like I would ever see them again or they effect my life in any way.

Then comes the confusion. I really prayed about this job and doors opened so easily, I just knew it was an answered prayer. So what went wrong? Was Satan opening the doors? How do I trust my answered prayers now? If I pray should I leave and doors open again, how do I trust that move? I need some sky writing or wet fleece on the dry ground for this one. My friend Sarah says that I should work at Kings Daughters Hospital, and guess what....My old recruiter calls me today and says they have new travel nurse positions at Kings Daughters for a new ICU they are opening. Is that strange or what? Now what do I do? Speak to me Lord. Lead me in your paths.