The Prayers of Children

Just had a praise that I wanted to share. This week Brett had overheard me talking about the election, and the worries I have about what the world is coming to, and it made him worry about Jesus coming back. He had the normal questions about if he was going to heaven, and if Caleb and Paden would be there too. Inevitably that led to questions about his Dad and if he would go to heaven or hell. I told Brett that his Dad had been taught the truth, but that he choses to live without Christ right now, but we could continue to pray that God would soften his heart and bring him back to the Lord.

Brett prayed really hard last week, and I prayed with him. However, I have to admit that I really didn't have any faith that Jim would ever come back to church, because he has a lot of issues from his past that have hardened his heart. On Friday, when Jim came to pick Brett up for the weekend, he told us how he had worried about going to hell all week and that he knew he needed to get his life right. He said that the Lord convicted him all week. Brett just smiled and you could tell that he was so happy that God had heard his prayers. Jim took Brett to church on Sunday morning to the Vineyard church, and they had to write their sins on a piece of paper. Jim said it really hit home with him, and he was going to get involved in a small group and go every Sunday. Amazing!!

God does answer prayers...and he especially listens to the prayers of children, I believe. I had to repent and pray for forgiveness for not having faith that God can do all things, that he loves all his children, and he can soften the heart of the most unlikely soul. So don't avoid witnessing or praying for someone that you think is too tough or too far gone, our God can do all things.

23 Minutes in Hell

Here is another good but scary book. Bill Wiese had an experience that allowed him to see what hell was really gonna be like, and it terrified him. He says, in the book, when he came to, he screamed in terror for 20 minutes before his wife could console him. It is so scary to think about going someplace like that and spending eternity.

After the recent election, and my dream last year about Obama, it really scares me. I worry about my kids and what the future holds for them. What kind of tribulations will they have to endure? Will I be there for them when times are scary? I pray the Lord opens people's eyes before it is too late.

A Spooktacular Birthday

Caleb's birthday party was a hit. Over 14 kids showed up at our house dressed in their Halloween costumes to help him celebrate his 6th birthday. We played, "Who's the ghost?", Pin the nose on the pumpkin, and the pumpkin toss. There was a constume contest, batman cake, and ghost shaped pizza. All in all, it went well and Caleb said it was his best Birthday ever.
Surprisingly, the baby did not cry at all over the costumes.

Thursday is Paden's first trick-or-treat night. I can't wait to see how he does. Brett says he is too old, but I would like to get one year of all 3 of my kids dressed up for Halloween in the picture, so I am still trying to talk him into one more year. They say that the firetrucks drive by and throw out candy to the kids where we live. That is a treat when they bring it to you and you don't even have to leave the house. I'll be sure to post some pics.

The Shack

I am reading this wonderful book right now called, "The Shack" by Wm. Young. It is a book about tragedy confronting eternity, and it shows a different perspective about God and why bad things happen to good people. We are sometimes so quick to judge what kind of God would let this or that happen, and quick to ask where was God in our tragedy, and this book has challenged me to see a different side of this dilemma.

There is one part in the book where Mack is told he must be the judge and decide who should receive justice. He soon discovers that who he is judging is his own children. He must decide which 2 get to go to heaven and the others would be condemned to hell. Now even if we have one of our kids giving us a hard time, or they are acting out...not one of us would give up on them and send them to hell. So why are we so quick to judge God, when he isn't so quick to condemn one of his children who is doing wrong? I never thought of it that way before.

Another point that the book makes is how we judge others if their walk is not the same as ours or what we think "Christianity" should be. Just because you believe something firmly doesn't make it true. Be willing to examine what you believe. I have had issues with this for a while. Being of the Christian faith, I think sometimes people get caught up in "works" and if they/you are doing enough works. I also see that people are so stuck in the "law" that they miss something more important. The Bible is not so much the "law" as it is a picture of Jesus. Paul tells us that we die by the law, and Jesus came to free us from that unattainable task, because none of us are good enough or can do enough to deserve His grace.

Don't get me wrong...I believe that baptism, communion, and fellowship are essential parts of what God wants us to do. I just happen to believe that if you teach people how to get to know God, see him intimately in their lives, and to know that He is alive and living in us....you won't have to be preaching to anyone that they need to do more, or keep track of their attendance, etc. They will have such a hunger for God, that you won't be able to keep them away, and you will have a church full of people who can't get enough of Him. All the other stuff will fall into place. We really need to be careful that we do not be a judge for God. Who gave us the right to do that, and isn't it pompous and arrogant to do so? If we love people like Jesus, and have true fruits of the Spirit, then people are gonna want to find out more about what we have in our life that makes us so much different, and they won't feel judged and condemned by the congregation when they hear about grace and forgiveness from the pulpit. That is like sending mixed messages. I feel if we love them like Jesus, minister to their needs, and start trying to draw closer to him in our own Bible study time...all the work will be done, because people will love the Lord so much that they will not be able to genuinely do enough or get close enough to Him. So many burden themselves with all the work and stretch themselves out so thin, that the work becomes a chore...and they really don't have time to just commune with Christ. Preparing for lessons becomes a job, serving others becomes a duty, people become resentful, and that resentment is evident in their life and actions. It is a poison that consumes and destroys rather than shows the love and grace of Christ.

There's No Place Like Home

Well, I never thought I would be the one to say it, but...There is no place like home. I was always one to believe that home is where the heart is, and I guess my heart just doesn't belong in Ohio. Don't get me wrong, we won't be moving back anytime soon, but it's just not the same here as it is in Kentucky.

I went to a Christian comedian this week with the ladies from the new church we have been going to and broke down in tears when she asked if we were there with our friends. She said to reach out and give them a hug and let them know what they meant to us, and there was noone there for me to hug or to give me a hug. I just cried remembering the times that we girls got away to either Ladies days or Beth Moore conferences, and realized that those were the days that I cherish. I remembered the road trips, singing, Jen's smacks on the butt, Sarah's ----s (you know what I mean if you were there), and group pedicures and therapy sessions. I feel so lonely here sometimes, and wonder if I'll ever make those kind of friends again. I know that the friends I have will always remain close, but it just isn't the same as being able to cry on their shoulder in person every now and then.

I know the Lord has brought us here, and I am sure it is to bring John and I closer. We will need to learn to depend on each other like never before in order to survive this transition. May the Lord just wrap his arms around us as we settle into our new life in this new place...and may you guys continue to pray for our family and all the changes and challenges we continue to face.

My Superstar

Here is the lastest picture of Paden. He and Daddy are relaxing on the couch, watching football after church on Sunday. The Steelers won, so he is really happy. Everyone at church thinks I should let him be a baby model, or that he should be the poster child for Gerber. I am sure his personality would win over all the judges.

I thank God, that he gave us this wonderful gift of love and happiness. Nothing in the world is better than holding your baby and just breathing in their smell.

Palin Power

I LOVE HER !! I am so impressed with what she has done in Alaska. Can you believe she sold the jet on ebay? I have no doubt that she and McCain will shake things up in Washington. The past 2 nights, I watched the Republican Convention, and Palin made me proud to be a Republican that stands for our core morals and values that our country was founded on. McCain followed up tonight and left tears in my eyes at one point, when he talked about the guy next to him, and how he told him not to give up. I think they have the guts to stand up to the unpopular opinion and make some great changes.

Her baby boy also touches my heart, especially since we thought that Paden could have been born with Down's. She is a real woman with real family issues, and I know she cares about us little people. I think I want to order a "Palin Power" T-shirt. Don't forget to pray about your vote this coming election, and let the Lord lead your decision.

Boro Panthers

We are now offically Springboro Panthers. The boys have started school. Brett is in Jr High and Caleb is in half-day Kindergarden. Brett loves his German class, and Caleb loves his new teacher, Mrs. Fussnecker (she is kind of cute). I was overwhelmed by what Caleb will be doing the end of this year. He will be reading, but also writing and illustrating his own stories. Isn't that amazing? He loves riding the bus, and he keeps wanting to set his alarm for 1 am to get up and get ready for school. I explained, very nicely, that if he gets me up at 1 am, he would not be able to go to school when I got done with him.

We had a block party last weekend, and really got a chance to meet some of the neighbors. My next door neighbor, Glory, was deployed yesterday to active duty and had to leave her 2 boys behind, so keep her in your prayers. My heart breaks for her to have to be away from her kids. I couldn't imagine. Paden changes everyday. He is crawling, well, not really crawling, more like leaping or hopping around and he is into everything. I will upload more pics soon. I have discovered snapfish and it is great.

Brett is starting a young guy's small group study tonight about what it means to be a young man. It sounds like they will cover some very touchy subjects that need to be addressed from a christian standpoint as a young guy goes into puberty. John's life is crazy as he gets ready to open 2 new stores and change management in 2 other stores. I am getting ready to take a travel assignment in a hospital 12 miles from the house. I won't know what to do with a commute less than 30 minutes to work. Hopefully soon we can sell a house or a vehicle and save some money. I really miss my friends back home. Sitting down for lunch and venting to them usually ended up making me laugh, then I could face the day ahead with a fresh outlook. I find that I feel very isolated when life slows down long enough to sit down for a minute. Hopefully we can plan a get together soon. Till then, may God keep us all safe in his arms.

They Grow So Fast!!

Paden is growing so fast. Finally after 4 months of chewing, he has 2 bottom teeth. It is so stinking cute. His new favorite movie is "O' Brother where art thou". His favorite part is when
Pete is turned into a horny toad. When Delmer is hollaring "Pete, Pete.." he just laughs and looks at the TV. It is so funny.

The boys are at New Life this week for a couple of days going to VBS. Then I have a five day stretch off. I am gonna enjoy some fun in the sun at the pool. School starts August the 26th, and Caleb can't wait till he meets new friends.

My "not at all fat free" Chicken Enchiladas

Ingredients:

3-4 Chicken breasts , cut in small cubed pieces
1 small can green chilies
1/2 small onion
1 clove garlic
1 pkg cream cheese
1 pkg taco seasoning
pkg of at least 8 burrito shells
2 small cartons of whipping cream
2 pkgs (4 cups) of colby jack schredded cheese


Directions:

1. Cut chicken breast into small cubed pieces and cook in large skillet with small amount of oil till
browned, and no more pink.
2. Add chilies, onion, and garlic to finish cooking chicken till done.
3. Soften cream cheese in microwave then blend into chicken in skillet.
4. Stir in taco seasoning packet till well blended in then remove from heat.
5. Fill burrito shells with chicken mixture, roll it up, and place it in square 9x9 pan.
6. Continue with step 5 till all burrito shells are full and mixture is gone. (Usually about 8)
Make sure enchiladas are close to keep from them unrolling.
7. Top with shredded cheese.
8. Pour whipping cream over entire mixture evenly and slowly that it may soak through entire
dish.
9. Cook for about 30-45 minutes on 375 degrees or until cheese is melted and slightly browned
on top of dish.

Enjoy!!
This one is for you, Gina.

Church Shopping

Here's an update on the church shopping. Maybe you guys can give some insight.

Church #1: Southwest church http://www.southwestchurch.org/

The church is about 10 yrs old, meets in the YMCA near our home, and has a lot of stuff
for kids. They have small groups, women's studies, and studies about growing closer in Christ
toward spiritual maturity. I was wondering why they had not started their building yet until
I happened by their building model and discovered the cost of their projected building plan
was over $2 million. They have a youth minister, worship minister, and praise team. First
impression concerns I have are: Caleb's class seemed to play more than anything, John
looked like he was out of his element, and although all the people came and welcomed us, it
seemed proper, more like a business luncheon. (Laid-back, but upper class) We have only
been there once, and VBS is this coming week, so I plan to take the kids to see more about
them. Things that interest me are the fact that they are constantly doing new things to teach
and feed their flock. They seem to support and encourage a deeper relationship with Christ.
Fundamentally sound, they believe in baptism, communion every week, and stuff like that.

Church #2: Springboro Christian Church (no website)

We went on the last Sunday of the month, and the kids were with the parents in main church
service, so Caleb and Brett didn't get to see what their church service would be like. Caleb said he was "bored to tears". They had a praise team, power point, and a very nice facility with lots of room. From what I could tell, their fundamentals are sound and they encourage fellowship with other christian churches nearby. They were having a concert that afternoon. The minister had a very deep voice and it was wonderful to hear him sing. I think John felt at home more here, but since the youngest person I saw in worship that day was in their late 40's early 50's other than a few kids...it screamed old-fashioned to me. People greeted us afterward, but it seemed like the senior citizen hang out to me, so John felt right at home.

Church #3: South Dayton Church of Christ www.sdchurchofchrist.org

By far, the most friendly. Everyone tried to welcome us and make us feel at home. That part
felt like New Life. They were having a pot luck after church to fellowship with each other. They do that the first Sunday of every month. Their missions team had just gotten back from a mission trip and were sharing about all their experiences. The have a minister and children's church. Caleb liked it, but still liked the first church better. Brett said he liked this one the best. John seemed to talk and share with the people that came up to him. The minister had a good sermon. I don't know whether they have small groups or anything like that, but I know they commented on Communion every week and baptism for the remission of sins. Here's the catch...it was a non-instrumental Church of Christ. I have only seen one of them one other time, when I was a little girl and we went to one while on vacation. The singing was beautiful though, the women all sang parts. Which that is funny to me...if you are non-instrumental, why does your power point of the songs include notes? Do they listen to music on the radio? Why don't they believe in piano or instruments? Do they judge those that do? It kind of screams legalism to me. I need to know more before I can really say.

So any thoughts or inputs? John says we should visit them all again, and then go from there and I think that is a good idea. Pray that the Lord leads us to where we can grow and serve the best for his glory.

Buckeyes Now

Well, we are finally moved. It was a week on Friday in our new house. I have soo much cabinet space, that I haven't even used one whole cabinet. The boxes are mostly unpacked and stuff is on the wall. Maybe only about 20 boxes left, of nonessential stuff still in the basement. I am thinking, "How bad do I really need this stuff?", but a lot of it is stuff I just can't get rid of... like Brett and Caleb's first Halloween outfits, and stuff like that. The dog is adjusting, but he would really like to eat the ducks that walk by every morning around 8 am. I think that would definately get a visit from the "housing association representative".



Brett went to camp today and I miss him already. Nana took vacation last week and stayed with us to help take care of the kids, so I could unpack and work this weekend. She is going home on Tuesday and I will miss her help. John goes out of town on Monday and doesn't get home till Wednesday night, so me and the boys will pile up and snuggle on Tuesday night. I hope I don't get scared.



Still noone looking at our house in Flemingsburg, and still trying to sell one of our vehicles. Just keep praying that the Lord will work it all out. I know he will provide, but I sure am nervous about it. My eye has been twitching for the past week, and that only happens when I am really stressed. The kids love the new house and have already started making friends. I myself, miss my friends and knowing I can see them anytime. It will all take time for us to adjust.

This One Is For You, Jen !!

Finally my camera is working and here is a picture of my 3 sons. We just took this picture the beginning of May. Brett is 12, Caleb is 5 1/2, and Paden is 3 1/2 months old. How they grow so fast. Chaos surrounds us as we prepare to move, and it makes time fly so much faster. Paden is already trying to sit up, and he has discovered he has hands!! Now, what he is to do with them, he is still trying to figure out. I'll post more pics soon.

I'm Back, sorry it took so long.

It's been a while, but I am back to blogging again, and I'll try to be more regular. I have had several recent life changes that have kept me away, such as a new baby, major surgery, John's new job which requires us to relocate, selling a house, finding a house, selling a vehicle, just to name a few. Paden Michael is the newest baby boy, he will be 4 months old the 14th, can you believe it? I will have pictures up soon, we just had them taken and they will be back on the 21st. Sorry, my Kodak camera is still not downloading to the computer for some reason.



We are moving to Springboro, Ohio the first of June because of John's new job. Hopefully someone will buy our home in Flemingsburg before his company stops helping us pay for the two houses. They help for 6 months, so that will be through November. And be praying that someone will buy one of our vehicles soon so we can get rid of one of our payments too. I am excited but scared to death at the same time. Moving to a new home with 3 bathrooms and a dishwasher is a dream with 3 boys. Moving away from family is a nightmare. Also, John and I are not too excited about becoming Buckeye's. We wonder, will we instantly become horrible drivers when we put those Ohio plates on our car?



I sing on praise team for the last time at New Life in the morning. I hope I can do it without crying. I will truly miss my praise team friends who really understand what singing praises is all about. "Listen to our hearts, hear our voices sing...We will use the words we know, to tell you what an awesome God you are. but if words are not enough...then listen to our hearts." I hope our new church will have a praise team. Pray the Lord will lead us to where we can grow in Him.

Chaos, and More Chaos

Ok, what I want to know is... Who sent the memo out that says, "Deena is pregnant, let's cause as much chaos as possible?" This past month or two has been crazy. First we had the Down's scare and all the extra Dr. visits and stress that goes with that, then this month, has not been lacking in it's own share of stresses. The first part of September, I had kidney stone problems, got admitted to the hospital for a couple days, out only in time to go to "Deeper Still". Then I get home and go back to work, and get food poisoning, which lays me up for 3 days. I lose weight, get dehydrated, and the day I get to go back to work, I have to be sent to the ER for severe dehydration and a massive urinary tract infection. Then mom decides she is missing out on some of the attention, and she ends up in the hospital for 4 days for almost passing out a few times, and they find she is going in and out of an irregular rhythm. She is home, all is great, then I get a double ear infection. Got treated quick, got over it, and now.....Caleb hasn't pooped in 9 days. We started giving him laxatives 5 days ago, and nothing is working. So days later, enemas, suppositories, laxatives, an ER visit, Dr visit, and half a day at Children's hospital...still no poo. He now gets 3-4 doses of Miralax a day till he goes, and if he doesn't go soon, they will have to do a Sigmoidoscopy and clean him out. I have never wanted to wipe a butt, so bad in my life. I am so worried about him.

I am trying to pick up extra, so we can have some money in savings for when the baby gets here, because I won't have much money coming in those 3 months. It seems like every time I try to pick up, I get sick or something happens. We have only a few dollars in savings and time is running out. I am 24 weeks pregnant now, and about $2000 behind budget. Pray that the chaos calms done, because now I need to work 4-5 days a week till Thanksgiving to make up.

But, most of all....pray that Caleb will poop!!!!!

Deeper Still

Well, we made it to Nashville and back in one piece. No wrecks, accidents, or illnesses to report. We all were truly blessed with the desire to go "Deeper Still" with God. This is a book that I bought, that I can't wait to get into, after I finish the 3 others I started last month. I had never heard Kay Arthur, or Priscilla Shirer, and let me tell you, they are great speakers too. The knowlege of the scriptures that Kay has is amazing. I knew a lot of the verses she quoted, but I have never been good about being able to say Book, Chapter, and Verse. I need to work on that more.

The other things that has just weighed heavy on my mind is this: I am realizing just how many people still have God in a box. I recently shared how I felt after finding out that we may have a Down's baby to a few people from our congregation. I shared how I felt broken hearted, disappointed, guilty, and scared after that news was given to me. I then shared how a couple days later, I just had a peace come over me like I did when I was a little girl sitting on my dad's lap during a scary part of a movie, knowing he would protect me and all would be okay. I went on the share with them that I believe that was the Lord and His Holy Spirit just wrapping his arms around me and telling me it would be okay. That's where I lost them. They looked at me like I had 4 heads. How sad that they could not relate.

I know that sounds awful touchy, feely... but my God IS touchy, feely. He is alive and at work in our lives, if we just take time to notice, and give him the glory. No, we don't feel that way 24/7, but he promises that he will reveal himself to us who diligently seek him with all their hearts. (Jeramiah 29:13)

My Three Sons

It's a BOY!!!

I was just in the hospital for kidney stones, and they did the ultrasound early. I was working and started having that familiar right flank pain. They sent me to triage, and they admitted me. If I was not pregnant, they would send me home and tell me to strain my urine and drink plenty of fluids. But no, I got to stay for 28 hours. Let me tell you, it is a whole lot easier to be on the other side of the needle. But we did get to do the ultrasound early and we found out that the baby is okay, all measurements were fine with no alarming flags indicating the baby has Down's. Praise the Lord !!!

As I was sitting there wondering how I was going to console John when they said, "It's a girl", I see the above picture, and shock just comes over me, as I realize, my premonitions were all wrong. We will add one more boy to the Jefferson family. Well, I guess that is just as well, the boys have absolutely no modesty, which would have ruined a little girl. I say that, as Caleb runs through the house naked riding his imaginary horse. Who knows where his pants went this time.

We looked through the baby name book last night and we think we have a name we like...Paden Shea Jefferson. Who knows, we may change it 100 times in the next 19 weeks. Caleb thinks we should name him Jimmy Neutron, and Brett is still hoping the ultrasound is wrong.

Tomorrow we leave for "Deeper Still" in Nashville, remember to pray for our safe trip. I can't wait.

Faith Plus Baseball

John and I took the boys to Faith Days at the Great American Ballpark yesterday. It was the perfect combination, God and baseball. Although it was hot enough that you would have thought it was closer to ____. The Reds played the Padres (and got beat), but then they had a concert by Mercy Me after the game. It was awesome. What faith they have and what a powerful testimony we heard. Bring the Rain, In the Blink of an Eye, and a few new songs were among the many songs they sang. We got to hear the story behind the writing of the songs. Wow. I am so glad that Brett got to hear real life testimony and perserverance with faith through tough times. They also had local sports heroes talk while we were waiting on the concert. They sent the message loud and clear, that if you put God first, the rest will be added, and having everything is nothing without Him.

Of course, on the way home, the baby needed to stop at Graeter's for ice cream. Banana flavor is the best! Back at home, we went for a dip in the pool to try to cool off, because our central air stopped working on Friday. Then Brett was off to school this morning. How the summer went so fast. Caleb sat on the front porch this morning watching the bus take Brett away, and you would have thought his little world had ended. Not long from now, the baby will be watching Caleb get taken away by the big yellow bus. How time flies. I am glad we got at least on family day before the end of summer.

Our Decision

This is what our baby looks like now. We are 16 weeks pregnant. Isn't it truly a miracle? We met with the genetics counselor on Thursday. We had a lot of questions and learned a lot. Our chances to have a Down's baby is 1/255 due to the blood work part of the triple screen mostly. The ultrasound part of the screen had the measurements all ok. We can have an amniocentesis if we want, but the risk of going into early labor, which would be lethal to a baby at this stage is 1/400. Just not a risk worth taking for us given that 1/255 translates to 0.4% chance of having a Down's baby, or 99.6% chance of having a normal healthy baby. I really don't know why they even scare people to death with those odds. Why not start offering options if you have a 10-25% risk instead of 99%?

So, the other option we were given is to have a level 2 ultrasound, which they focus on several specific measurements which can send red flags about whether a baby has Downs. They measure the amount of fluid on the brain, the length of the thigh bones looking for abnormal shortness, the nuchal fat on the back of the neck, and they look at the heart for valve problems. All together their are 9 things they measure. John and I have decided that we will have this ultrasound and then if several markers send up more red flags, then we will consider further testing. At this point, we feel all will be okay, and we are going to go forward, enjoy this pregnancy, and not worry about it anymore. Worry doesn't change anything, and we are confident the Lord will not give us more than we can handle.

Whether this baby ends up having Down's or not, our Lord blessed us with this baby, and He knows what he is doing. We continue to walk in faith, leaving our worries in his hands. If he takes care of the birds, and the lilies, how much more do we mean to him? (Matthew 6)

"Down" a path a Faith.

It's been a while since I blogged, but I am finding myself needing to write to relieve stress a little more lately, and I hope to read other's blogs and draw encouragement from like minded Christians.

This is a picture of my family at Caleb's preschool program. He is moving up to the next class this September and I think back that it wasn't that long ago, we stood on the same stage as Brett graduated from one class to go to Elementary School. How time flies. In this picture, I recently found out that we were going to have another baby. We were still in shock, since I was on birth control, and got pregnant after taking several weeks of antibiotics due to a horrible upper respiratory infection I got at King's Island indoor water park. We are now used to the idea, actually getting excited about having another baby, and starting to prepare for this blessing God has decided to give us.

I elected to do a test called an Ultrascreen, which is a blood test along with an ultrasound to screen for birth defects. I really didn't care about screening for problems, the reason I wanted to do it, was for peace of mind. I had a misscarriage before having Caleb, and it was horrible. I had that miscarriage at about 10 weeks along. I felt that having this ultrascreen would give me the opportunity to see the ultrasound, that the baby was okay, and then I wouldn't worry about having a miscarriage and I could have peace of mind.

Peace of mind is not at all what I got. The screening came back that John and I are at an increased risk of having a Down's Syndrome baby. We now are being referred to a genetic counselor to decide what we want to do. Do we want to have to have an amniocentesis or not to know for sure if our baby has Downs? I really don't want to worry for 25 more weeks, but I am nervous about having a procedure that has any risk of causing a miscarriage. I want to be prepared, I would like to find out I have nothing to worry about and enjoy my pregnancy.

I think to myself so many things. I found out that it may be due to problems with the egg many times. So, is it my fault? Then I think, if I was going to have a child with a birth defect, Downs is much better than spinal bifida or other crippling disorders. After all day crying on Tuesday, then having my fears confirmed that the test was correct on Thursday, and crying more, I feel weird. I don't know if I am just cried out, or numb, or if this is a peace that the Lord has given me. Is he reassuring me that it is all going to be okay, or is he comforting me, letting me know that he will equip us with what we need to get through the worst? I just have this feeling like I did as a little girl when my dad would hold me on his lap and love me. I feel protected, sheltered from the world. My heart still aches, but I somehow know all will be okay, because I am not alone. This I guess is what it is to go down a road of faith.