Dee Nurse in Christ

Truth or Dare?

2009-01-21T02:05:00.006-05:00

The newest self-help, 'try to be a better person', book that I have started reading is The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. It is the book that the character played by Kirk Cameron, in the movie Fireproof, gets from his father. Our new church is showing the movie this weekend, and I am really excited to see it with John. In the back of my mind, I have been thinking, "I can't wait till he sees it". The movie trailor talks about having romance, which is something that girls need a lot of because we want to live the fairytale. So I think, where can I get this book for him? I go pick it up, and start reading a little to see what the book is gonna tell him to work on, and guess what I find....

Dare #1 is be patient. Definately not my strong point. You are supposed to be quiet and say only nice things, even if something happens to make you want to snap or say something out of anger. Dare #2 is be kind. You are supposed to do an act of kindness for no good reason except to be nice, even if you don't feel like it. God is soooo funny!!! Those 2 dares are definately for me. So I decided to keep the book myself and work on me instead of worrying about John, and we will see how things turn out. Maybe John can get his own copy later. In all the recent turmoil and stress, it is easy to point the finger, instead of looking honestly into yourself to see what you can do to make things better. Broken hearts, pride, and anger are many times the obstacles that we let stand in our way. However, God calls us to love one another unconditionally, even when we don't feel like it very much.

"Now these 3 remain: Faith, Hope, and Love. But the greatest of these is Love."

I Corinthians 13:13

Happy Stinkin' New Year

2009-01-03T22:22:00.002-05:00

So far the new year is got no where to go but up. Still trying to sell the house, and have recently been called off more than I have gotten to work. I know the Lord will take care of us, no matter what, but I get tired of worrying about finances sometimes. Just pray for our family, that we can cling to each other and support each other through these hard times.

On a lighter note though, I did get the new Chris Tomlin CD with my free music points from BMG. The songs, "You Lifted Me Out" and "God of this City" which talks about God lifting us up out of our circumstances and about greater things that are yet to come, are awesome reminders that God is always there with us. Hearing Caleb blast them out in the back seat while I was driving down the road, was the sweetest thing I've heard. Hearing your kids praise God, always makes it a brighter day.

Just Trying to Understand

2008-12-06T23:19:00.002-05:00

I have sat here at work all night and thought about a recent blog I read, and the fact that some of the best preachers I have ever heard speak, aren't preaching anymore. Some of you guys know the same people I am talking about, Kelly Carmichael and Chad Doerr. I think these 2 have a wonderful gift of delivering a message in such a humble way, that you feel inspired, not reprimanded. After listening to them, you just wanted to go out and be better. I know that God speaks through them powerfully. So, why then are they not using this gift now?

Don't get me wrong, I don't for a minute believe that either of them have fallen away from Christ or have entered into any decisions without much prayful consideration. I am just posing a question for thought, and maybe someone can help me work through this in my mind. The Bible talks about the "last days" and "false prophets", but it also talks about being led astray. How do we know whether these "doubts" about whether we are following God's will, or for example, if they should keep preaching, are not of the devil? I mean what better way for Satan to win a battle or two, than to render 2 wonderful ministers, who are making a real impact for God, less effective? I believe that Satan can manipulate and lead people in the wrong direction under the disguise that it is God's will. So, I have to sit and wonder if taking these 2 guys out of ministry and putting them out in the secular world as a cop and UPS driver, is of God or Satan's manipulation?

Again, please don't misunderstand, I am, in no way judging their Christian walks. I know that they have hearts that are humbly seeking God and his will. I just look around and see so many preachers that get up and preach fire and brimstone, but forget the first commandment of love. They can preach all day, the steps of salvation, but forget to tell you that God is real and alive, and if you seek him...he wants to have an active relationship with you. I see people who go the church every time the door is open, but look at me like I am crazy when I talk about how I listen to God and what he is trying to teach me. Kelly and Chad, among others, have taught me to take my relationship with God to a different level and I just wonder how many people are gonna miss that opportunity to hear from them now that they aren't preaching. Who knows, maybe they will reach more, or maybe my limited human mind just doesn't see God's plan yet, I don't know. Just wondering and thinking out loud, maybe you guys are thinking about this stuff too.

How is This Possible?

2008-12-02T03:19:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine is a teacher in a town near Springboro, Ohio. We were discussing how she was trying to include Jesus in her lesson about Christmas, without getting fired. She told me that not one of the children, in her 2nd grade class, go to church.

How is that possible? Not even one child, out of a class of over 20, goes to church. They don't even know about the simplest of Bible stories. Why is it that we took prayer out of school? I have to wonder if it wasn't so that our kids wouldn't start asking questions about God, and we might have to get up early on Sunday and take them to church.

I'm sorry, but that is one of the saddest things I have heard. I worry, what has the world come to that so many don't even know why we celebrate Christmas. Christ came to earth to save us. He left heaven, to be a cold little baby, born in a barn and our kids don't even know that this was the greatest gift we could have ever been given. We really need to encourage our kids to invite a friend to church, and pray for those who don't know Christ our Savior.

The Prayers of Children

2008-11-10T21:51:00.002-05:00

Just had a praise that I wanted to share. This week Brett had overheard me talking about the election, and the worries I have about what the world is coming to, and it made him worry about Jesus coming back. He had the normal questions about if he was going to heaven, and if Caleb and Paden would be there too. Inevitably that led to questions about his Dad and if he would go to heaven or hell. I told Brett that his Dad had been taught the truth, but that he choses to live without Christ right now, but we could continue to pray that God would soften his heart and bring him back to the Lord.

Brett prayed really hard last week, and I prayed with him. However, I have to admit that I really didn't have any faith that Jim would ever come back to church, because he has a lot of issues from his past that have hardened his heart. On Friday, when Jim came to pick Brett up for the weekend, he told us how he had worried about going to hell all week and that he knew he needed to get his life right. He said that the Lord convicted him all week. Brett just smiled and you could tell that he was so happy that God had heard his prayers. Jim took Brett to church on Sunday morning to the Vineyard church, and they had to write their sins on a piece of paper. Jim said it really hit home with him, and he was going to get involved in a small group and go every Sunday. Amazing!!

God does answer prayers...and he especially listens to the prayers of children, I believe. I had to repent and pray for forgiveness for not having faith that God can do all things, that he loves all his children, and he can soften the heart of the most unlikely soul. So don't avoid witnessing or praying for someone that you think is too tough or too far gone, our God can do all things.

23 Minutes in Hell

2008-11-07T00:56:00.003-05:00

Here is another good but scary book. Bill Wiese had an experience that allowed him to see what hell was really gonna be like, and it terrified him. He says, in the book, when he came to, he screamed in terror for 20 minutes before his wife could console him. It is so scary to think about going someplace like that and spending eternity.

After the recent election, and my dream last year about Obama, it really scares me. I worry about my kids and what the future holds for them. What kind of tribulations will they have to endure? Will I be there for them when times are scary? I pray the Lord opens people's eyes before it is too late.

A Spooktacular Birthday

2008-10-28T05:20:00.002-04:00

Caleb's birthday party was a hit. Over 14 kids showed up at our house dressed in their Halloween costumes to help him celebrate his 6th birthday. We played, "Who's the ghost?", Pin the nose on the pumpkin, and the pumpkin toss. There was a constume contest, batman cake, and ghost shaped pizza. All in all, it went well and Caleb said it was his best Birthday ever.
Surprisingly, the baby did not cry at all over the costumes.

Thursday is Paden's first trick-or-treat night. I can't wait to see how he does. Brett says he is too old, but I would like to get one year of all 3 of my kids dressed up for Halloween in the picture, so I am still trying to talk him into one more year. They say that the firetrucks drive by and throw out candy to the kids where we live. That is a treat when they bring it to you and you don't even have to leave the house. I'll be sure to post some pics.

The Shack

2008-10-19T00:52:00.002-04:00

I am reading this wonderful book right now called, "The Shack" by Wm. Young. It is a book about tragedy confronting eternity, and it shows a different perspective about God and why bad things happen to good people. We are sometimes so quick to judge what kind of God would let this or that happen, and quick to ask where was God in our tragedy, and this book has challenged me to see a different side of this dilemma.

There is one part in the book where Mack is told he must be the judge and decide who should receive justice. He soon discovers that who he is judging is his own children. He must decide which 2 get to go to heaven and the others would be condemned to hell. Now even if we have one of our kids giving us a hard time, or they are acting out...not one of us would give up on them and send them to hell. So why are we so quick to judge God, when he isn't so quick to condemn one of his children who is doing wrong? I never thought of it that way before.

Another point that the book makes is how we judge others if their walk is not the same as ours or what we think "Christianity" should be. Just because you believe something firmly doesn't make it true. Be willing to examine what you believe. I have had issues with this for a while. Being of the Christian faith, I think sometimes people get caught up in "works" and if they/you are doing enough works. I also see that people are so stuck in the "law" that they miss something more important. The Bible is not so much the "law" as it is a picture of Jesus. Paul tells us that we die by the law, and Jesus came to free us from that unattainable task, because none of us are good enough or can do enough to deserve His grace.

Don't get me wrong...I believe that baptism, communion, and fellowship are essential parts of what God wants us to do. I just happen to believe that if you teach people how to get to know God, see him intimately in their lives, and to know that He is alive and living in us....you won't have to be preaching to anyone that they need to do more, or keep track of their attendance, etc. They will have such a hunger for God, that you won't be able to keep them away, and you will have a church full of people who can't get enough of Him. All the other stuff will fall into place. We really need to be careful that we do not be a judge for God. Who gave us the right to do that, and isn't it pompous and arrogant to do so? If we love people like Jesus, and have true fruits of the Spirit, then people are gonna want to find out more about what we have in our life that makes us so much different, and they won't feel judged and condemned by the congregation when they hear about grace and forgiveness from the pulpit. That is like sending mixed messages. I feel if we love them like Jesus, minister to their needs, and start trying to draw closer to him in our own Bible study time...all the work will be done, because people will love the Lord so much that they will not be able to genuinely do enough or get close enough to Him. So many burden themselves with all the work and stretch themselves out so thin, that the work becomes a chore...and they really don't have time to just commune with Christ. Preparing for lessons becomes a job, serving others becomes a duty, people become resentful, and that resentment is evident in their life and actions. It is a poison that consumes and destroys rather than shows the love and grace of Christ.

There's No Place Like Home

2008-10-14T04:00:00.002-04:00

Well, I never thought I would be the one to say it, but...There is no place like home. I was always one to believe that home is where the heart is, and I guess my heart just doesn't belong in Ohio. Don't get me wrong, we won't be moving back anytime soon, but it's just not the same here as it is in Kentucky.

I went to a Christian comedian this week with the ladies from the new church we have been going to and broke down in tears when she asked if we were there with our friends. She said to reach out and give them a hug and let them know what they meant to us, and there was noone there for me to hug or to give me a hug. I just cried remembering the times that we girls got away to either Ladies days or Beth Moore conferences, and realized that those were the days that I cherish. I remembered the road trips, singing, Jen's smacks on the butt, Sarah's ----s (you know what I mean if you were there), and group pedicures and therapy sessions. I feel so lonely here sometimes, and wonder if I'll ever make those kind of friends again. I know that the friends I have will always remain close, but it just isn't the same as being able to cry on their shoulder in person every now and then.

I know the Lord has brought us here, and I am sure it is to bring John and I closer. We will need to learn to depend on each other like never before in order to survive this transition. May the Lord just wrap his arms around us as we settle into our new life in this new place...and may you guys continue to pray for our family and all the changes and challenges we continue to face.

My Superstar

2008-09-10T01:23:00.002-04:00

Here is the lastest picture of Paden. He and Daddy are relaxing on the couch, watching football after church on Sunday. The Steelers won, so he is really happy. Everyone at church thinks I should let him be a baby model, or that he should be the poster child for Gerber. I am sure his personality would win over all the judges.

I thank God, that he gave us this wonderful gift of love and happiness. Nothing in the world is better than holding your baby and just breathing in their smell.

Palin Power

2008-09-05T00:04:00.004-04:00

I LOVE HER !! I am so impressed with what she has done in Alaska. Can you believe she sold the jet on ebay? I have no doubt that she and McCain will shake things up in Washington. The past 2 nights, I watched the Republican Convention, and Palin made me proud to be a Republican that stands for our core morals and values that our country was founded on. McCain followed up tonight and left tears in my eyes at one point, when he talked about the guy next to him, and how he told him not to give up. I think they have the guts to stand up to the unpopular opinion and make some great changes.

Her baby boy also touches my heart, especially since we thought that Paden could have been born with Down's. She is a real woman with real family issues, and I know she cares about us little people. I think I want to order a "Palin Power" T-shirt. Don't forget to pray about your vote this coming election, and let the Lord lead your decision.

Boro Panthers

2008-09-03T03:11:00.002-04:00

We are now offically Springboro Panthers. The boys have started school. Brett is in Jr High and Caleb is in half-day Kindergarden. Brett loves his German class, and Caleb loves his new teacher, Mrs. Fussnecker (she is kind of cute). I was overwhelmed by what Caleb will be doing the end of this year. He will be reading, but also writing and illustrating his own stories. Isn't that amazing? He loves riding the bus, and he keeps wanting to set his alarm for 1 am to get up and get ready for school. I explained, very nicely, that if he gets me up at 1 am, he would not be able to go to school when I got done with him.

We had a block party last weekend, and really got a chance to meet some of the neighbors. My next door neighbor, Glory, was deployed yesterday to active duty and had to leave her 2 boys behind, so keep her in your prayers. My heart breaks for her to have to be away from her kids. I couldn't imagine. Paden changes everyday. He is crawling, well, not really crawling, more like leaping or hopping around and he is into everything. I will upload more pics soon. I have discovered snapfish and it is great.

Brett is starting a young guy's small group study tonight about what it means to be a young man. It sounds like they will cover some very touchy subjects that need to be addressed from a christian standpoint as a young guy goes into puberty. John's life is crazy as he gets ready to open 2 new stores and change management in 2 other stores. I am getting ready to take a travel assignment in a hospital 12 miles from the house. I won't know what to do with a commute less than 30 minutes to work. Hopefully soon we can sell a house or a vehicle and save some money. I really miss my friends back home. Sitting down for lunch and venting to them usually ended up making me laugh, then I could face the day ahead with a fresh outlook. I find that I feel very isolated when life slows down long enough to sit down for a minute. Hopefully we can plan a get together soon. Till then, may God keep us all safe in his arms.

They Grow So Fast!!

2008-07-22T14:27:00.003-04:00

Paden is growing so fast. Finally after 4 months of chewing, he has 2 bottom teeth. It is so stinking cute. His new favorite movie is "O' Brother where art thou". His favorite part is when
Pete is turned into a horny toad. When Delmer is hollaring "Pete, Pete.." he just laughs and looks at the TV. It is so funny.

The boys are at New Life this week for a couple of days going to VBS. Then I have a five day stretch off. I am gonna enjoy some fun in the sun at the pool. School starts August the 26th, and Caleb can't wait till he meets new friends.

My "not at all fat free" Chicken Enchiladas

2008-07-13T04:48:00.003-04:00

Ingredients:

3-4 Chicken breasts , cut in small cubed pieces
1 small can green chilies
1/2 small onion
1 clove garlic
1 pkg cream cheese
1 pkg taco seasoning
pkg of at least 8 burrito shells
2 small cartons of whipping cream
2 pkgs (4 cups) of colby jack schredded cheese

Directions:

1. Cut chicken breast into small cubed pieces and cook in large skillet with small amount of oil till
browned, and no more pink.
2. Add chilies, onion, and garlic to finish cooking chicken till done.
3. Soften cream cheese in microwave then blend into chicken in skillet.
4. Stir in taco seasoning packet till well blended in then remove from heat.
5. Fill burrito shells with chicken mixture, roll it up, and place it in square 9x9 pan.
6. Continue with step 5 till all burrito shells are full and mixture is gone. (Usually about 8)
Make sure enchiladas are close to keep from them unrolling.
7. Top with shredded cheese.
8. Pour whipping cream over entire mixture evenly and slowly that it may soak through entire
dish.
9. Cook for about 30-45 minutes on 375 degrees or until cheese is melted and slightly browned
on top of dish.

Enjoy!!
This one is for you, Gina.

Church Shopping

2008-07-13T04:09:00.003-04:00

Here's an update on the church shopping. Maybe you guys can give some insight.

Church #1: Southwest church http://www.southwestchurch.org/

The church is about 10 yrs old, meets in the YMCA near our home, and has a lot of stuff
for kids. They have small groups, women's studies, and studies about growing closer in Christ
toward spiritual maturity. I was wondering why they had not started their building yet until
I happened by their building model and discovered the cost of their projected building plan
was over $2 million. They have a youth minister, worship minister, and praise team. First
impression concerns I have are: Caleb's class seemed to play more than anything, John
looked like he was out of his element, and although all the people came and welcomed us, it
seemed proper, more like a business luncheon. (Laid-back, but upper class) We have only
been there once, and VBS is this coming week, so I plan to take the kids to see more about
them. Things that interest me are the fact that they are constantly doing new things to teach
and feed their flock. They seem to support and encourage a deeper relationship with Christ.
Fundamentally sound, they believe in baptism, communion every week, and stuff like that.

Church #2: Springboro Christian Church (no website)

We went on the last Sunday of the month, and the kids were with the parents in main church
service, so Caleb and Brett didn't get to see what their church service would be like. Caleb said he was "bored to tears". They had a praise team, power point, and a very nice facility with lots of room. From what I could tell, their fundamentals are sound and they encourage fellowship with other christian churches nearby. They were having a concert that afternoon. The minister had a very deep voice and it was wonderful to hear him sing. I think John felt at home more here, but since the youngest person I saw in worship that day was in their late 40's early 50's other than a few kids...it screamed old-fashioned to me. People greeted us afterward, but it seemed like the senior citizen hang out to me, so John felt right at home.

Church #3: South Dayton Church of Christ www.sdchurchofchrist.org

By far, the most friendly. Everyone tried to welcome us and make us feel at home. That part
felt like New Life. They were having a pot luck after church to fellowship with each other. They do that the first Sunday of every month. Their missions team had just gotten back from a mission trip and were sharing about all their experiences. The have a minister and children's church. Caleb liked it, but still liked the first church better. Brett said he liked this one the best. John seemed to talk and share with the people that came up to him. The minister had a good sermon. I don't know whether they have small groups or anything like that, but I know they commented on Communion every week and baptism for the remission of sins. Here's the catch...it was a non-instrumental Church of Christ. I have only seen one of them one other time, when I was a little girl and we went to one while on vacation. The singing was beautiful though, the women all sang parts. Which that is funny to me...if you are non-instrumental, why does your power point of the songs include notes? Do they listen to music on the radio? Why don't they believe in piano or instruments? Do they judge those that do? It kind of screams legalism to me. I need to know more before I can really say.

So any thoughts or inputs? John says we should visit them all again, and then go from there and I think that is a good idea. Pray that the Lord leads us to where we can grow and serve the best for his glory.

Buckeyes Now

2008-06-16T00:20:00.005-04:00

Well, we are finally moved. It was a week on Friday in our new house. I have soo much cabinet space, that I haven't even used one whole cabinet. The boxes are mostly unpacked and stuff is on the wall. Maybe only about 20 boxes left, of nonessential stuff still in the basement. I am thinking, "How bad do I really need this stuff?", but a lot of it is stuff I just can't get rid of... like Brett and Caleb's first Halloween outfits, and stuff like that. The dog is adjusting, but he would really like to eat the ducks that walk by every morning around 8 am. I think that would definately get a visit from the "housing association representative".

Brett went to camp today and I miss him already. Nana took vacation last week and stayed with us to help take care of the kids, so I could unpack and work this weekend. She is going home on Tuesday and I will miss her help. John goes out of town on Monday and doesn't get home till Wednesday night, so me and the boys will pile up and snuggle on Tuesday night. I hope I don't get scared.

Still noone looking at our house in Flemingsburg, and still trying to sell one of our vehicles. Just keep praying that the Lord will work it all out. I know he will provide, but I sure am nervous about it. My eye has been twitching for the past week, and that only happens when I am really stressed. The kids love the new house and have already started making friends. I myself, miss my friends and knowing I can see them anytime. It will all take time for us to adjust.

This One Is For You, Jen !!

2008-05-27T11:13:00.003-04:00

Finally my camera is working and here is a picture of my 3 sons. We just took this picture the beginning of May. Brett is 12, Caleb is 5 1/2, and Paden is 3 1/2 months old. How they grow so fast. Chaos surrounds us as we prepare to move, and it makes time fly so much faster. Paden is already trying to sit up, and he has discovered he has hands!! Now, what he is to do with them, he is still trying to figure out. I'll post more pics soon.

I'm Back, sorry it took so long.

2008-05-11T03:16:00.002-04:00

It's been a while, but I am back to blogging again, and I'll try to be more regular. I have had several recent life changes that have kept me away, such as a new baby, major surgery, John's new job which requires us to relocate, selling a house, finding a house, selling a vehicle, just to name a few. Paden Michael is the newest baby boy, he will be 4 months old the 14th, can you believe it? I will have pictures up soon, we just had them taken and they will be back on the 21st. Sorry, my Kodak camera is still not downloading to the computer for some reason.

We are moving to Springboro, Ohio the first of June because of John's new job. Hopefully someone will buy our home in Flemingsburg before his company stops helping us pay for the two houses. They help for 6 months, so that will be through November. And be praying that someone will buy one of our vehicles soon so we can get rid of one of our payments too. I am excited but scared to death at the same time. Moving to a new home with 3 bathrooms and a dishwasher is a dream with 3 boys. Moving away from family is a nightmare. Also, John and I are not too excited about becoming Buckeye's. We wonder, will we instantly become horrible drivers when we put those Ohio plates on our car?

I sing on praise team for the last time at New Life in the morning. I hope I can do it without crying. I will truly miss my praise team friends who really understand what singing praises is all about. "Listen to our hearts, hear our voices sing...We will use the words we know, to tell you what an awesome God you are. but if words are not enough...then listen to our hearts." I hope our new church will have a praise team. Pray the Lord will lead us to where we can grow in Him.

Chaos, and More Chaos

2007-10-06T12:26:00.000-04:00

Ok, what I want to know is... Who sent the memo out that says, "Deena is pregnant, let's cause as much chaos as possible?" This past month or two has been crazy. First we had the Down's scare and all the extra Dr. visits and stress that goes with that, then this month, has not been lacking in it's own share of stresses. The first part of September, I had kidney stone problems, got admitted to the hospital for a couple days, out only in time to go to "Deeper Still". Then I get home and go back to work, and get food poisoning, which lays me up for 3 days. I lose weight, get dehydrated, and the day I get to go back to work, I have to be sent to the ER for severe dehydration and a massive urinary tract infection. Then mom decides she is missing out on some of the attention, and she ends up in the hospital for 4 days for almost passing out a few times, and they find she is going in and out of an irregular rhythm. She is home, all is great, then I get a double ear infection. Got treated quick, got over it, and now.....Caleb hasn't pooped in 9 days. We started giving him laxatives 5 days ago, and nothing is working. So days later, enemas, suppositories, laxatives, an ER visit, Dr visit, and half a day at Children's hospital...still no poo. He now gets 3-4 doses of Miralax a day till he goes, and if he doesn't go soon, they will have to do a Sigmoidoscopy and clean him out. I have never wanted to wipe a butt, so bad in my life. I am so worried about him.

I am trying to pick up extra, so we can have some money in savings for when the baby gets here, because I won't have much money coming in those 3 months. It seems like every time I try to pick up, I get sick or something happens. We have only a few dollars in savings and time is running out. I am 24 weeks pregnant now, and about $2000 behind budget. Pray that the chaos calms done, because now I need to work 4-5 days a week till Thanksgiving to make up.

But, most of all....pray that Caleb will poop!!!!!

Deeper Still

2007-09-14T10:44:00.000-04:00

Well, we made it to Nashville and back in one piece. No wrecks, accidents, or illnesses to report. We all were truly blessed with the desire to go "Deeper Still" with God. This is a book that I bought, that I can't wait to get into, after I finish the 3 others I started last month. I had never heard Kay Arthur, or Priscilla Shirer, and let me tell you, they are great speakers too. The knowlege of the scriptures that Kay has is amazing. I knew a lot of the verses she quoted, but I have never been good about being able to say Book, Chapter, and Verse. I need to work on that more.

The other things that has just weighed heavy on my mind is this: I am realizing just how many people still have God in a box. I recently shared how I felt after finding out that we may have a Down's baby to a few people from our congregation. I shared how I felt broken hearted, disappointed, guilty, and scared after that news was given to me. I then shared how a couple days later, I just had a peace come over me like I did when I was a little girl sitting on my dad's lap during a scary part of a movie, knowing he would protect me and all would be okay. I went on the share with them that I believe that was the Lord and His Holy Spirit just wrapping his arms around me and telling me it would be okay. That's where I lost them. They looked at me like I had 4 heads. How sad that they could not relate.

I know that sounds awful touchy, feely... but my God IS touchy, feely. He is alive and at work in our lives, if we just take time to notice, and give him the glory. No, we don't feel that way 24/7, but he promises that he will reveal himself to us who diligently seek him with all their hearts. (Jeramiah 29:13)

My Three Sons

2007-09-06T09:19:00.000-04:00

It's a BOY!!!

I was just in the hospital for kidney stones, and they did the ultrasound early. I was working and started having that familiar right flank pain. They sent me to triage, and they admitted me. If I was not pregnant, they would send me home and tell me to strain my urine and drink plenty of fluids. But no, I got to stay for 28 hours. Let me tell you, it is a whole lot easier to be on the other side of the needle. But we did get to do the ultrasound early and we found out that the baby is okay, all measurements were fine with no alarming flags indicating the baby has Down's. Praise the Lord !!!

As I was sitting there wondering how I was going to console John when they said, "It's a girl", I see the above picture, and shock just comes over me, as I realize, my premonitions were all wrong. We will add one more boy to the Jefferson family. Well, I guess that is just as well, the boys have absolutely no modesty, which would have ruined a little girl. I say that, as Caleb runs through the house naked riding his imaginary horse. Who knows where his pants went this time.

We looked through the baby name book last night and we think we have a name we like...Paden Shea Jefferson. Who knows, we may change it 100 times in the next 19 weeks. Caleb thinks we should name him Jimmy Neutron, and Brett is still hoping the ultrasound is wrong.

Tomorrow we leave for "Deeper Still" in Nashville, remember to pray for our safe trip. I can't wait.

Faith Plus Baseball

2007-08-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

John and I took the boys to Faith Days at the Great American Ballpark yesterday. It was the perfect combination, God and baseball. Although it was hot enough that you would have thought it was closer to ____. The Reds played the Padres (and got beat), but then they had a concert by Mercy Me after the game. It was awesome. What faith they have and what a powerful testimony we heard. Bring the Rain, In the Blink of an Eye, and a few new songs were among the many songs they sang. We got to hear the story behind the writing of the songs. Wow. I am so glad that Brett got to hear real life testimony and perserverance with faith through tough times. They also had local sports heroes talk while we were waiting on the concert. They sent the message loud and clear, that if you put God first, the rest will be added, and having everything is nothing without Him.

Of course, on the way home, the baby needed to stop at Graeter's for ice cream. Banana flavor is the best! Back at home, we went for a dip in the pool to try to cool off, because our central air stopped working on Friday. Then Brett was off to school this morning. How the summer went so fast. Caleb sat on the front porch this morning watching the bus take Brett away, and you would have thought his little world had ended. Not long from now, the baby will be watching Caleb get taken away by the big yellow bus. How time flies. I am glad we got at least on family day before the end of summer.

Our Decision

2007-08-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

This is what our baby looks like now. We are 16 weeks pregnant. Isn't it truly a miracle? We met with the genetics counselor on Thursday. We had a lot of questions and learned a lot. Our chances to have a Down's baby is 1/255 due to the blood work part of the triple screen mostly. The ultrasound part of the screen had the measurements all ok. We can have an amniocentesis if we want, but the risk of going into early labor, which would be lethal to a baby at this stage is 1/400. Just not a risk worth taking for us given that 1/255 translates to 0.4% chance of having a Down's baby, or 99.6% chance of having a normal healthy baby. I really don't know why they even scare people to death with those odds. Why not start offering options if you have a 10-25% risk instead of 99%?

So, the other option we were given is to have a level 2 ultrasound, which they focus on several specific measurements which can send red flags about whether a baby has Downs. They measure the amount of fluid on the brain, the length of the thigh bones looking for abnormal shortness, the nuchal fat on the back of the neck, and they look at the heart for valve problems. All together their are 9 things they measure. John and I have decided that we will have this ultrasound and then if several markers send up more red flags, then we will consider further testing. At this point, we feel all will be okay, and we are going to go forward, enjoy this pregnancy, and not worry about it anymore. Worry doesn't change anything, and we are confident the Lord will not give us more than we can handle.

Whether this baby ends up having Down's or not, our Lord blessed us with this baby, and He knows what he is doing. We continue to walk in faith, leaving our worries in his hands. If he takes care of the birds, and the lilies, how much more do we mean to him? (Matthew 6)

"Down" a path a Faith.

2007-08-03T09:43:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I blogged, but I am finding myself needing to write to relieve stress a little more lately, and I hope to read other's blogs and draw encouragement from like minded Christians.

This is a picture of my family at Caleb's preschool program. He is moving up to the next class this September and I think back that it wasn't that long ago, we stood on the same stage as Brett graduated from one class to go to Elementary School. How time flies. In this picture, I recently found out that we were going to have another baby. We were still in shock, since I was on birth control, and got pregnant after taking several weeks of antibiotics due to a horrible upper respiratory infection I got at King's Island indoor water park. We are now used to the idea, actually getting excited about having another baby, and starting to prepare for this blessing God has decided to give us.

I elected to do a test called an Ultrascreen, which is a blood test along with an ultrasound to screen for birth defects. I really didn't care about screening for problems, the reason I wanted to do it, was for peace of mind. I had a misscarriage before having Caleb, and it was horrible. I had that miscarriage at about 10 weeks along. I felt that having this ultrascreen would give me the opportunity to see the ultrasound, that the baby was okay, and then I wouldn't worry about having a miscarriage and I could have peace of mind.

Peace of mind is not at all what I got. The screening came back that John and I are at an increased risk of having a Down's Syndrome baby. We now are being referred to a genetic counselor to decide what we want to do. Do we want to have to have an amniocentesis or not to know for sure if our baby has Downs? I really don't want to worry for 25 more weeks, but I am nervous about having a procedure that has any risk of causing a miscarriage. I want to be prepared, I would like to find out I have nothing to worry about and enjoy my pregnancy.

I think to myself so many things. I found out that it may be due to problems with the egg many times. So, is it my fault? Then I think, if I was going to have a child with a birth defect, Downs is much better than spinal bifida or other crippling disorders. After all day crying on Tuesday, then having my fears confirmed that the test was correct on Thursday, and crying more, I feel weird. I don't know if I am just cried out, or numb, or if this is a peace that the Lord has given me. Is he reassuring me that it is all going to be okay, or is he comforting me, letting me know that he will equip us with what we need to get through the worst? I just have this feeling like I did as a little girl when my dad would hold me on his lap and love me. I feel protected, sheltered from the world. My heart still aches, but I somehow know all will be okay, because I am not alone. This I guess is what it is to go down a road of faith.

Poor Me

2006-10-31T09:08:00.000-05:00

I witnessed the most humbling thing this Sunday. I was coming home from work, and stopped at Dairy Queen to get some breakfast. I saw a man in town that I know from our Wednesday night services about a year ago, when we had dinner and bible study. He lives alone and doesn't have much. He goes around to several churches and seems to really love the Lord. I think he probably draws disability due to mental challenges and doesn't have much money.

Anyway, I saw him all dressed up with Bible in hand standing by the drive thru. When I pulled up to wait on my food, I saw him pick up the change that had been dropped at the drive thru window. I was really worried about him and thought he was picking up the change to get something to eat. I was ready to buy him breakfast, when much to my surprise, he took off with the change and went to church. I think he was picking up the change to have something for offering. How humble is that. He hardly has anything, but still manages to find a way to give to the Lord. Many of us have plenty, and still don't manage to give as much as this man has given.

Dreaming of Miracles

2006-10-25T15:11:00.000-04:00

I visited the first hospital I ever worked at today, and it has changed so much. King's Daughter's Medical Center in Ashland has taken over the whole block near the park and then some. It was a wonderful place to work then, and I compare the places I have worked, to my experiences there. I found a poem that I wrote about nursing in my car when I got home today, and thought I would share that with you.

Vent alarms and IV's beep,

it's 2am, I wake up and can't sleep.

My eyes focus, I realize it's just a dream.

I can't get over how real it seems.

I lay there and a million worries

run through my head.

I go downstairs, call the hospital,

and find out my patient is dead.

My heart breaks as I think of this family.

I say a prayer for them and tears overtake me.

Next shift, a new admit, the patient is critical.

The Doctor says, "For this one to survive,

it will take a miracle.

"Let's intubate, put in a line,

and get an Xray stat.

Place an NG, get a foley,

and draw some blood for labs.

Let's start with Dopamine, then if

the blood pressure is still low,

we'll add Levophed and open up

the IV flow.

He'll need a couple units of blood,

and some antibiotics too.

Add the Bair Hugger to warm him up

because he is too cool."

Adrenaline flows and nursing instincts begin.

We all work together to stabilize him.

As I work, I say the prayer that I say each time.

"Lord be with me, and let your hands

work through mine."

Praise the Lord for helping me fulfill my dream to be a nurse, and for being with me each day as I take care of his loved people.

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

2006-10-23T11:00:00.000-04:00

I sit here and really have a lot on my mind. I was unexpectantly called in to work this Sunday and therefore missed singing on praise team this week. I really missed being there, because sometimes it feels like that is how I really praise God and feel his blessing. My life is in total chaos and I have a lot of decisions to make right now, and I feel like making the wrong one could really lead my life in the wrong direction. I pray and pray, and get more confused as time goes on. Should I take this job, should I stay at the one I am at? Am I supposed to take another job and try to find one making the same money, or do I take a job not considering the financial effects? Is that an answered prayer or Satan trying to temp me?

Once I got to work, I fully intended to call someone and let them know that I was not going to be there on the praise team, because I left the house at 0430 am and that was a little too early to call and I didn't know untill 1130 the night before. However, in the medical field you never know what to expect, and as soon as I walked in, I walked into a code and I being the charge nurse am the one who runs the code. So I was tied up till 0900. I walked out of the room after the code to someone informing me that they just accidently gave a patient a huge dose of Heparin, who has a disorder that causes them to bleed out. Heparin is a blood thinner. So again tied up till about 1100. By that time church had started and it was too late to call. I felt absolutely horrible all day about it too. I did not get to use the bathroom but twice yesterday, and did not get a lunch at all. I come home, and my husband had just eaten a huge supper with his mother. Did anyone bring me anything to eat? NO

My mom has been on vacation, I have her praise team list and I have not seen her since she came home, so I did not give her the list. I never even really looked at the list. I only knew I was on because I had talked to someone on the team a couple weeks before and they told me the next time I was to sing. I never thought to look and see when mom was on, because her name hasn't even been on the list for about 6-7 months. So she missed too because of me. I hear today that comments were made about us not being there from the pulpit and that several people came up to mom and it seemed like they were very jugdemental of us for not being there. As if they just assumed we were slackers that could not be counted on, whether than ever wandering what was going on, were we okay, was there something going on in our lives that we needed prayer for?

It seems like our Christian friends are the first ones to get out their measuring stick to see if we are measuring up and condemn us or look down their noses if we aren't doing all that they think we should be, when they have no idea what is going on in our life for the season. I know that things may look one way on the outside, but let me tell you, it may be very different inside. I feel like I am being tested more now that in any season of my life lately. I feel like I work in the pits of hell. I sometimes think that if I take a step in any direction, I will step off the edge of the cliff. One of my dearest friends has moved away. My grandmother is dying in a nursing home. My mother - in - law moved in next door. My brother and sister in law may be getting a divorce and she thinks I set him up with one of my friends, so family turmoil is at a peak. My husband has had someone quit and now he has been working to fill the holes in the schedule in the busiest time of the year before Christmas, which means he hasn't had but one day off the past 2 weeks and I have barely laid eyes on him. My oldest child has ADHD which has its own problems, but he is now also having night terrors and exhibiting Obscessive Compulsive Behaviors before he can go to sleep. So many sleepless nights and extra doctor appointments lately. I am also trying to work throught a workbook with him because he wants to be baptized. I want to help with Bible Bowl, but I have had to work the 6 out of the last 8 Sundays and have not been able to be there. I am also trying to decide if I will be taking a weekend option job which will have me working Friday and Sunday nights, which will further prevent me from helping in the future. So I really don't know what I can do to help them, and don't want to start what I can't finish, and want to be dependable if I do start something. So I am torn what to do. But just because I am not working in much right now in the building up on the hill, don't assume that I am some backslider that is not doing anything for my King, when you know nothing about my life, and don't take the time to find out.

My prayer life has doubled. I have started a daily Bible study online to help draw nearer to God so that I might be more sure of his will. I have made an increased effort to witness to a couple of lost people at work. I am trying to reach out to someone at church who was also good friends with the one who just moved. She feels like she has absolutely no friends at church. She feels ignored by what many think is a click. She and her husband are close to quitting church all together because they feel like they are not being fed. I am trying my best to make a difference in her life. I am trying to show the people I work with that even though it seems horrible there and nothing can fix it, that if we all prayed and asked the Lord, he can fix things and make them better. And believe me, things are so mixed up there, that only He can fix them.

I know there are parts of this that are very angry sounding. And parts of this blog may be the devil making me feel this way. But here they are...my thoughts...everything out on my sleeve. This isn't the first time that I have felt judged and comdemned by my Christian friends. At first I thought it was just my insecurities, but I don't think so anymore. I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I would be more apt to approach someone and say, "I missed you the other day, are you okay, is something wrong? Do you need anything? I was worried about you when you weren't there." Why is the first reaction assuming the negative, not genuine Christian concern for our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? The love chapter says, all these things you have but have not love, you are nothing. Sometimes we can get so focused on the work, that we forget the people and their needs. So, judge not lest you be judged. And let those who are blameless and have no sin, cast the first stone.

Sometimes, when people feel like their world is very unstable, and they are just trying to hold on, the last thing they need is to feel talked about and judged by their fellow Christians. Did you ever think that may be the straw that broke the camels back? There is no greater betrayal than to be talked about behind your back by people you are supposed to be able to trust. Especially in a pagan world, we should be able to count on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Family pics

2006-10-19T18:30:00.000-04:00

I still can't figure out how to publish a picture to my profile, but it is very simple to publish them with the post, so here is my family. God has blessed me very much with healthy kids and a sassy husband.

A Correction Fit

2006-10-19T18:12:00.000-04:00

This is Caleb, my youngest. He is getting ready to turn 4 on Tuesday. Oh, how time flies. I just wanted to tell you the funniest story.

A couple weeks ago, after a napless day, Caleb proceeded to get down in the floor and have a tantrum when I asked him to pick up the 58 cars on the living room floor before he could play on the computer. It was quite interresting, especially since Caleb is not really the tantrum throwing kind. If anything, he will just tell you how it is and try to negotiate. However, this time he was in the floor, kicking, screaming, and crying. I just stopped, looked at him, and said "What are you doing"? The tears disappeared, and as calm as he could, he replied, "I am having a fit." I said that it looked like a coniption to me. Then he proceeded with his fit.

The next week, he wanted to help me cook something that he would have absolutely spilled everywhere. I tried to bargain with him to have him help me make desert. He was not in the negotiating mood. He let me know real quick that if he did not get to help he was going to have a "correction" right now.

I nearly laughed myself silly. So now at the Jefferson house, if things don't go our way, we all just have a "correction" fit.

Oh, For the Wisdom of Solomon

2006-10-13T12:01:00.000-04:00

I am a mess trying to figure out what to do. Most of you know the troubles I have had at my current job. The place just feels so negative. I have interviewed at 3 different places this past week. I make good money, so it will be hard to meet the money I make there. However, money is not everything and I don't want to be someplace that I don't like just cause I make good money either. In order to even come close to the money, I would have to work as a float pool nurse, do a weekend option or something that pays extra incentives to make about the same.

I decided that if I did a weekend option, then I would work Friday and Sunday night, so that I would have Saturday off with my family and be able to go to church on Sundays. I would not be willing to give up church for any amount of money.

So, I interviewed at the place I used to work, and they offered me a job. I could either work "Choices" which is kind of like a interhospital float pool, but I would be preassigned to the ICU or the weekend option, but no guarantee that I could work Friday and Sunday. With Choices the catch is, if the census is low, I would be one of the 1st to get cancelled and my pay per hour is dependent on the # of hours worked. So if I get cancelled for a shift, my hourly wage drops by about $8/hr. No benefits and no vacation time. I don't need benefits but vacation is good. With the weekend option, I would have to work on Saturdays occasionally and that interfers with church.

Then I interviewed with Good Sam. Hospital. I interviewed with the Float Pool and they can guarantee a Friday Sunday weekend option, and I would be making 20 cents less than I make now. I would be eligible for benefits and vacation time the same as a part-time employee. I would then work the extra day here at Fleming County Hospital. By working one day a week at home I would be losing about $100.00/week in the difference in pay for that one shift. But I would be home on the days John is home and I could cut out one day of driving.

Then just to make things confusing. My current boss just called to tell me that she had heard a rumor and just wanted to check it out for herself, that I was considering leaving. She wanted me to agree to talk to her before I accepted any other positions. She said that she wants me to know that she thinks that I am one of the best d___ nurses she has ever seen and she doesn't want to lose me. Now what do I do? I still feel like that place has sooooo much chaos and backbiting, lying, and so on that I don't know who to trust and I just get sick when I think I have to go to work. Will it get better? Does the Lord want me to just hang tough?

Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon. The other jobs may cause financial worries occasionally. I may need to pick up an extra shift if I get cancelled. My hours may not be guaranteed in some of them. I would have to float. I just don't know. This job I have, I will never be cancelled because I am in charge. My hours are guaranteed. I have benefits and great pay. But is it right for me. I sometimes feel like Satan is just right beside me trying to take me down. Is this a lesson of perserverence, or is the lesson learned and it's time to move on?

Pray that the Lord makes my decision Crystal Clear.

Goat, Tell it on the Mountain

2006-09-25T11:29:00.000-04:00

No, I did not misspell. We saw a goat at mile marker 150 on the way home from Beth Moore's Living Proof Live event, and we laughed out loud with God. And a laugh is exactly what I needed. I am on a praise him high. I just finished my time of study with Him this morning (time that I have renewed for God that I have been slacking on). I only pray that I continue to be dedicated in my study time each morning to start my day right.

God's love is immeasurable. Which says a whole lot about his love for us when he measures everything. I have learned that it doesn't matter what others think of us, only what our heavenly father thinks of us. So maybe the trials of work have taught me that I could never please man anyway, but God loves me as I love my children, which is unconditional. I should spend more time letting his love shine through me and quit worrying if I am pleasing others. I still don't know if this job was meant to teach me a lesson, and now that I see, it is time to move on. Or, is there something God is using me for at that job, that I still need to see through till completion.

I pray that God will only open doors that he wants me to go through and that he closes the ones I need to close. Translated, if I am to take a new job, then open that opportunity, but if I am to stay at the current one, then don't even tempt me with any other offers.

"In Christ Alone" as my favorite song says, is the only place you will find that kind of unconditional love. Dear Lord, open my heart that I may have that undying love for you, that unquenchable desire for you, that you have entended for us, that only you can fill.

Do I Stay or Do I Go?

2006-09-19T17:29:00.000-04:00

I had a really bad night at work on Sunday. Last week we had a charge nurse meeting and went over the charge duties and things that we needed to be focused on. I guess we are having a problem getting the doctors to sign their orders and a few other technical medical things involving charts that you probably wouldn't understand. To put it in a nutshell, problems with charts, if they aren't fixed, hospital can be shut down. So they came up with this tool to check the charts and flag things that needed signatures. It was out last week, noone seemed to know who was responsible for it, so we got that clarified in the charge nurse meeting. The unit clerks are responsible. So, Sunday night, in a very nice, walking on eggshells kinda way, given the other issues I am working against, I asked the African-American unit clerk if she had been updated yet that the paper from last week was a unit clerk duty? For the rest of the night it was horrible. Mrs. P is the best unit clerk we have, and I know that things are in order when she works, and I know that she is already mentally checking the charts as she does her duties. I agree it is not right for everyone to have to suffer when the problem lie with a few. But if the problems don't get fixed and the hospital closes, then it is everyone's problem. So we should all work together as a team to fix what's broken.

So, through the night Mrs P would say things such as, "I haven't been given the authority to do that by my charge nurse", or "I'd like to go smoke, but I don't want to be accused of not doing my job". I tried to tell her that noone worried about her doing her work and she was being unfair, if she had suggestions of a better way to do it, we would love to hear them. She called us charge nurses "Queen bees" and I told her that we did not use our authority to push people around, she replied "yes you do" and I asked her to give me some instances and we would discuss them. She had no reply. Someone called off early in the morning, so we were trying to get someone to come in and work. The unit clerks always help make those phone calls, I politely asked her if she could make a couple calls, she replied "Is that my job description now too?" I told her to give me a break, I asked if we needed to go discuss whatever problem she had with me, she replied "no". I said "Well, then we are gonna have to get past this, because we are gonna have to work together." She replied, "unfortunately". I continued to be nice, she continued to be rude. It was horrible. By the end of the shift, I was miserable, upset, and nervous. I was unable to get my mind on my work because of all the tension. I talked to my boss about the whole situation the next morning. I explained that I felt like I am fighting an uphill battle and it will never be right. She asked me to hang in there.

Here is my thoughts though. I am still in my probation period and if they want to, they can let me go at any time with or without cause. My boss, Marie, said that she didn't work like that, and the only way I would leave is on my own terms. However, even if they know I have done nothing wrong, how are we ever gonna get past this and work together as a team? I don't know if it will ever be right. And which is easier? Getting rid of 1 or 15? There is so much tension in that place, and I just feel beat down. I sit here and think of what excuse I can come up with so I don't have to go to work. At first I thought I will stay and not give them the satisfaction of running me off, but then I thought, who are these people and what do they mean to me. Why do I care if they think they run me off or not, its not like I would ever see them again or they effect my life in any way.

Then comes the confusion. I really prayed about this job and doors opened so easily, I just knew it was an answered prayer. So what went wrong? Was Satan opening the doors? How do I trust my answered prayers now? If I pray should I leave and doors open again, how do I trust that move? I need some sky writing or wet fleece on the dry ground for this one. My friend Sarah says that I should work at Kings Daughters Hospital, and guess what....My old recruiter calls me today and says they have new travel nurse positions at Kings Daughters for a new ICU they are opening. Is that strange or what? Now what do I do? Speak to me Lord. Lead me in your paths.

For My Broken Heart

2006-09-09T11:55:00.000-04:00

My Mom has had a rough year. She had knee surgery and as a result ended up with a partially paralyzed diaphragm. If your diaphragm doesn't work, your lungs can't expand, and you can't breathe. She walks with a limp, she now has fibromyalgia and hurts all the time. She can't sleep, and depends on help for basic things that we take for granted. They have their house up for sale and the savings account is fading fast while they wait for a decision on their disability claim.

I recently wrote my statement for the disability office and, as I was answering the questions, I was overcome with great saddness for just how her life has changed and how depressed she must be. You have a woman who worked 2-3 jobs all her life and taught me not to depend on anyone for support, who now can't even put her shoes on without the help of her husband.
By the way, THANK GOD FOR HIM!!! I realized that I have not been as sensitive to her situation as I probably should be and I need to be praying for her, that God will strenghthen her faith and wrap his loving arms around her. I have been praying for the disability case to go through, but I realize now, that she needs way more than financial assistance.

I just got off the phone with her, and Lindon is going on a bike ride today. Mom would love to be with him I know. Maybe we will get a movie and some popcorn and go visit her.

Keep her in your prayers please.

All Grown Up, (or so he Thinks)

2006-09-05T10:53:00.000-04:00

Today is Caleb's first day of Preschool. He is going to the preschool that Brett went to when he was little. It is a private preschool at the local Christian Church in town. He will be there 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. He is sooooo excited.

This weekend we had to get ready. He got a new pack of crayons, Scooby Doo paper towels, Superman pencils, and the Batman backpack. Then we had to get a new outfit to wear. This is a challenge. My 3 year old is wearing the same size clothes that my 10 year old is wearing, only he is about 9 inches shorter. Caleb wears a 1.5 in shoes, and an 8 in pants and shirts. As it gets colder very quick, I am realizing that I need to have him some pants tailored to fit.

Daddy took the day off so that we could take him together. It will be a sight to see who cries first. On the one hand I am excited that he will be learning new things, but on the other hand, he is one step further out the door.

I look at Brett now, and realize how much he has grown. He is talking about having a Christian Rock band in middle school, and his childhood questions are becoming much more grown up. We were talking about temptation yesterday, and he said that he knew that it was gonna get harder as a teenager because Satan would use drugs and sex and peep pressure to make him sin. He then wondered how he would ever keep from making mistakes. I reminded him about grace. However, isn't it wonderful to have that humble desire to want to try to be perfect and to be so convicted when we do wrong that it really bothers us? Maybe some of us adults could use a childlike faith.

The Mother-In-Law Next Door

2006-08-30T10:29:00.000-04:00

My mother-in-law just bought the house next door in an auction on Saturday. I know, it is next door, but I am happy for her. It is the first house she has ever owned. Her mom is gone now and my kids are her happiness. She is not the mettling type either, so I think it will be okay. I know you would like for them to be a few houses away, but I am trying to just think of all the good things.

When I am at work, I'm sure that Nana will be sure the family is fed. John is definately not a mommas boy, so that will not be a problem. She will get to see the boys more, and she can help take Caleb to preschool. I worry though that Caleb won't want to spend the night with her anymore, when he can just go home to his house next door.

And....maybe we can get her to go to church with us. That would be awesome. Which brings me to my other good news......

BRETT WANTS TO GET BAPTIZED. He is asking a lot of questions, and we are gonna talk to Chris, the youth minister, to make sure he knows what he is doing. PRAISE GOD!

Home Alone

2006-08-29T10:15:00.000-04:00

I have a day at home, all alone, no kids, can do anything I want, without phone calls or interruption, and no husband either to hog the TV remote. What am I doing with my day? I am lounging on the couch (in my husbands shirt) trying to read or watch TV, with Caleb's stuffed animal and Brett's pillow (so that I can smell them).

I am a mess. I don't know what to do with myself. I miss them like crazy. You would think my dog died. I have waited for this day for years...and now that I have it...I can't take advantage of it because I am too depressed. That is just like God. What a sense of humor. He is probably up there in heaven saying, "You wanted a day to yourself, OK. Here you go. Not all it's cracked up to be is it? Now will you appreciate the blessings I have given you?"

I sometimes get caught up in stuff, stressful work situations, or the hum drum of the fast paced daily activities that I forget momentarily what its all about. As Max Lucado's book so perfectly titled states, "It's not about me." Thank you for this day to remind me what life without you Lord is like.

The Pot Just Gets Deeper

2006-08-19T13:03:00.000-04:00

I found out more information about the racial slur episode. It seems like one of the people that I trusted and believed in, was the major one who was sturring the pot and making the situation worse, by adding fuel to the fire. I now am tempted to call her out onto the carpet, tell her what I know, and then tell her that I chose to forgive her and go on. I really don't know if legally I should even be talking to her, or if I should just wait till later, when it all boils over. I feel betrayed and I can't believe that someone could do this to another and actually sleep at night. I feel like they have treated me the way they claim others treat them. Are they any better than the ones they accuse? I also think that no matter what happens, some of them have already made their minds up, and nothing can be done to change that. I keep praying, my friends are praying, I know, because I felt uplifted the last day I worked. Praise God who gives me strength to hold up my head and walk into the fire every day.

Color blind

2006-08-15T21:42:00.000-04:00

I recently got accused of making a racial slur at work. A bunch of us were in the lunch room eating when I joked about stealing a bite of someone else's food. A little banter went on and then I made the comment that here in Kentucky, we know how to fend for ourselves and we would just "run you over in the river" and take the food. I was meaning that we "hillbillies" who so often get accused of being dumb and barefoot, know how to hold our own, and usually don't miss many meals. A comment was made back in a very threatening tone that included the words "drive by" and "shoot your ___", letting me know that I had said something that was definately taken the wrong way. Here I was more or less slamming us hillbillies when the 3 African American girls in the lunchroom took it as a racial slur to their culture. Well, word got around and the story evolved and then the HR Representative of the Hospital called me up to ask about the incident, which by this time was 2 weeks ago.
The night it occurred, when I realized that they had missunderstood, I went to each of them and tried to be sure to apologize for the missunderstanding and to make ammends for hurting their feelings. I explained my thoughts and explained that I was talking to them the same way that I talk to anyone else, not realizing that they may be sensitive to something like that.
This whole situation has been really hard on me. I was hurt, angry, and mad. Hurt that they talked about me behind my back, attacking my integrity as a person, accusing me of being a racist. Angry that they didn't come to me if it was still bothering them, so we could work it out. And MAD that me of all people, was being accused of being racist, and that the story had evolved into a whole different story by the time it had been talked about for 2 weeks. The comment that was made to me, if anything, was the one that would be considered harrassment. I apologized for my wrong and tried to make amends, then went on treating them the same. Yet they talk about me and accuse me of things I did not intend, start treating me differently, and say that I was the one who wronged them. I thought this is not fair, I am the victum in this situation. I began to see why people were racist.....because of bad attitudes like that, ones that will jump to play the race card any chance they get.
Then the Lord helped me see...all things happen for a reason. If this is my burden to bare, maybe I can help get the message out that we all need to be a little more color blind. That it is not necessarily always white people who are racist. That we should forget the past and forgive. God made us all, there is no one greater than the other in his eyes. We are all his beloved. We should chose our friends and who we associate with based on their moral code and values, not their color of skin. We should love all human beings, helping each other be the best we can be, striving to draw closer to him.
Please friends, pray for me in this situation that I may not let Satan use this situation to cause that type of hate and mistrust to creep in my life. Pray that they will see Christ in me and see that I am sincere and that they totally misjudged the situation. May the Lord use me to work something great out of something so negative.

Technology today

2006-08-02T15:43:00.000-04:00

I am trying my best to learn about this technology today. I am trying to start this blogging to stay in touch with my Christian friends and grow deeper in Christ, but I am discovering just how out of touch I am. The longer I set here, the more I want to throw this computer out the window. So the Christian lesson I am learning today is PATIENCE.

It has taken me over an hour to post this picture so you all could see my family. This was taken while on vacation this year. We took my mother in law, to give her a much needed vacation. We had a great time, but it ended way too soon.

New to This Blog Stuff

2006-08-02T14:10:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here after talking to my friend, Sarah, trying to figure out how to Blog. I just read my other friend's Blog about going to a different church and did not realize just how profound she could be. I also read Chad's blog and just cried at how strong he is after losing his wife and realizing how much more I need to grow. So hopefully by reading other Blogs and leaving my thoughts behind, we can all grow closer, and encourage each other in our Christian walk.